Hi Felix,
I am happy to hear of your success with locating this fear, I too found something similar - that underneath the various aspects of ‘my’ identity such as the high achiever, the problem solver etc. Was fear, this fear was like the foundation upon which all other dramas were built. And I had inklings that this was the case but then what to do with this fear?
I remember thinking that there is just no way this fear could be tackled in the same way as looking at a belief or some other outer layer of ‘me’, this was pure instinctual fear, like a cornered animal. And ‘I’ did not want to be seen in that place, even though it was exactly the bright light of awareness that could effect change.
The other thing I saw was that ‘I’ would do anything but allow such direct seeing into the depths of ‘my’ being, anything ‘I’ would buy as a distraction from experiencing ‘myself’ where ‘I’ am forever threatened. In my case this was armchair philosophising and steeple chasing as Vineeto called it.
And I found that indeed there is something beyond it, that fear - as real as it is - is not a fact. But in order to see this, to actually see it, I had to look. And it is such a wonderful thing when those monsters and demons which exist deep down are seen to be commensurate to the rest of ‘me’, an instinctual passionate drama.
Also having seen the above, it is like chipping away at the very action of believing, it is having concrete evidence that it is safe to proceed through the various aspects of the human condition, that it is all commensurate and none of it actual. It means there is a certain confidence which develops to keep going no matter what as nothing can go wrong.