Felix: Hey Vineeto – thanks for your detailed reply.
Hi Felix,
You are very welcome, maybe read it again in a week’s time to see if you are applying all the details.
Felix: Yes, you’re right, I essentially have had a strong masochistic streak and so my application of the method has been very self-punitive and anxiety ridden. Forced and not built on a sincere/benevolent intention.
But I am starting to undo those habits. I was curious as to how you would answer my questions, but it’s not because I was… making arguments in favour of that way of operating haha.
I understand, it was for the purpose of labelling. But then the question is what to do about it once you know that.
Felix: The intensity, shame and anxiety has been an elaborate survival strategy I think – and, as you point out, one that had utility in previous points of my life like childhood but not anymore.
Yes, then you had no other choice but now you have. Consider it like an addiction and treat it as such – decline each instance of it.
Felix: I’ve also been looking at family stuff because aspects of my relationship with my family have helped perpetuate and reinforced some of those anxiety and self image problems.
I was aware of that but you had to find out for yourself. After all this is/was the environment where you developed this self-hating/ self-blaming addiction.
Felix: But meanwhile, there is an adult functional me emerging and I’m enjoying discovering (or rediscovering the fun of life).
Cheers, Felix (link)
That’s great to hear Felix, as Kuba quoted Richard yesterday –
Richard: “Do your own thing … but have fun; if you’re not having fun then, hell, stop doing it, something is wrong; if you’re not having fun, if you have to force yourself to go to work, if you’re unhappy, something is wrong”. (Richard, List D, No. 6, 14 Dec 2009)
Cheers Vineeto