Just got onto reading these, lots of interesting things to consider.
First of all :
However, since then a PCE has no longer been a vital factor in the process of becoming actually free of the instinctual passions/the feeling-being formed thereof
I find this interesting because although my interest in an actual freedom has not declined, I noticed that the past couple of years my interest in having any more PCEs declined. As in ‘I’ know that the actual world exists and now it is a case of ‘me’ going all the way, no more trailers required. It’s good to have this confirmation though, that it is not the PCE that is required but rather allowing this overarching benevolence and benignity.
Then this :
I mention these reports so as to demonstrate that what the feeling-being inhabiting this flesh-and-blood body all those years ago experienced as an ‘over-arching benevolence and benignity’ may not necessarily be exactly the way others experience it.
I find this one interesting because I have indeed experienced 2 different aspects, one more in line with :
Second, it is not even remotely similar to such coarse experiences as blissfulness and euphoria; it is of a quality of such fineness that a fine-champagne-bubbles type of word my second wife (de jure) made up all those years ago – ‘tintling’ – seems to be most apt.
This is how I have experienced pure intent at times, it is as if the entire universe is like a shimmering jevel, and this ‘shimmering jevel’ aspect is intrinsic to direct sensate experience.
Then at other times, one just a few minutes ago in fact I experience it in line with the sweetness, which it seems the sweetness is ‘my’ closest approximation to what it is actually like to live in a world where there is no separation.
The interesting thing is that this pure and pristine aspect of the ‘shimmering jevel’ seems more connected to the PCE, as in it is a temporary glimpse of the actual world.
Whereas the experience of sweetness seems to be something that ‘I’ have as a feeling being, and one which points to ‘my’ destiny, it is the experience of being drawn to ‘my’ destiny.
The cool thing is that I experienced this sweetness so many years ago now, somehow it ended up on the AFT even haha, I was just 20 at the time, when I just found out about actual freedom and managed to have an extraordinary PCE :
I had a few glimpses today of some interesting and amazing things about the actual world. I was listening to music and tried to activate delight, soon the music wasn’t happening in ‘my’ head but was out there in the world, what followed after was that the music was still happening outside of me but there was no more inside/outside, it felt totally intimate. Then it got better and better, I started contemplating and soon I was experiencing the stillness that Richard speaks of. The music was actually happening now, but it was totally still as in coming from nowhere and going nowhere and I was the experience of it.
The experience of stillness was actually very profound and gave this security that I can’t explain very well. Also shortly before that I had a quick glimpse of infinity and it was very thrilling to the point that I pulled back, my whole body was tingling. Anyway the things just kinda kept unfolding and soon the best part presented itself. It actually was like a nice surprise or a gift or something, I saw what the actual world is like and that it is a perfect, benevolent place. This melted away any resentment I had at that moment. Also whereas before all these ideas of perfection etc were more intellectual now they were seen like no joke its actually perfect!
Also I had an experience which relates to the altruism that Richard speaks of but I’m not sure. Basically as all these brief but amazing glimpses were happening waves of fear would come and go, I tried to investigate that fear and all of a sudden with the experience of perfection in one hand and with the fear preventing the experience of perfection on the other hand, I saw how selfish it was. ‘I’ was actively preventing peace on earth because of ‘my’ instinctual thoughtless ways.
Then something interesting happened. I tried to figure out how to move beyond that instinctive fear which meant kinda giving my ‘self’ up, and I saw that the way to do it was to completely let go of controls and let that purity live me. At that moment it got kinda weird because I realised that since I am no different from the physical universe and thus that purity then allowing the perfection to live me meant kinda being what I actually am anyway. I am the physical universe experiencing itself as a sensate human being thus when ‘I’ go, all that is left is the pure intent. So the experience was kinda like becoming that pure intent. This is all getting really interesting, the thought that I could live in that state 24/7 is unbelievable and it would be such a waste of a life not to experience that. Also I can see that being that purity means dedication to peace on earth also. Its like they go hand in hand, the perfection and purity automatically bestows benevolence
I specifically remember this experience, and this sweetness was there, it was exactly as described on the page, an experience of infinite tenderness, a complete lack of separation and a knowledge that this is my destiny, and more so, that this is my essential character, as I wrote back then - So the experience was kinda like becoming that pure intent .
Also the below is kind of interesting :
And as the transition from the real-world to this actual world is a seamless transition – all what happens is that an illusion is no more (somewhat analogous to Santa Claus, et al., ceasing to appear real upon the illusion being exposed) – it is thus all much ado about nothing … literally!
It does seem like we now have the benefit of no longer having to be daring pioneers as such, not in the way that Richard did. He traversed across in some dodgy raft and we indeed just board a plane at this point. Self immolation is no longer some traumatic event but rather a seamless transition, that only requires that one allows this benevolence and benignity.
But I think I still look at self immolation in those terms, like some ghastly event, rather than ‘me’ disappearing into this sweetness, what more could one ask for!
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