I have experienced a strong pull at times, though not as intensely as you describe here. Or maybe it was and I forgot lol. I experienced it like a “sweet spot” (as in a Goldilocks zone) of pushing/pulling.
If I’m out of the zone and I push too much then I don’t get anywhere, it’s me pushing me and I fall in on myself — I finally realized this won’t really work about 2 years ago but I did it a lot leading up to that.
If I don’t push enough then nothing happens of course.
But when I’m in the zone it’s as if a “new” kind of “pushing” is obviously available. And it isn’t really pushing. But it is really really going for it with all my intent and energy. And in the zone it works! There is a far-out-of-the-ordinary level of things happening, getting ‘sucked’ in towards actuality more and more. Haha now that I describe it it sounds similar.
For me so far it has similarly fizzled out. Usually I hit a wall of a new issue or objection and then I step back, then I have to figure it out. Interestingly the usual objections are blown past and sincerely obliterated quite quickly. But then there’s a sticky one which doesn’t get blown away… and that’s the thing to look at.
Other times I think it fizzles from just a lack of willingness to go further. It’s like “oh wait this would actually work”… and then I hesitate.
I have had the experience a few times of having had a ‘window’ of self-immolation. It’s like oh I could just go there… but I don’t! I don’t know if they were “genuine” windows, but it was my experience of it. The actually free seem to agree that it can happen at any time.
And there was one time where I actually felt ‘my’ center shift downwards and I experienced it like ‘I’ was going away at last … … and then I pulled back!!! So I wasn’t ‘ready’ then, in hindsight 
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As for right now it seems I’m in a similar boat. I’m not ‘dissatisfied’ enough to get off my laurels. But by dissatisfied I don’t mean miserable… I don’t think being miserable is the best sort of motivation per se. And that would mean you have to be miserable before you can enjoy and appreciate ‘more’ lol. Which isn’t the case. But I seem to be lacking a sort of impetus to get closer. Life is generally quite good though. The key seems to be of course that the PCE is infinitely better. But the constant daily butting up against myself and others , the friction of being a feeling-being interacting with other feeling-beings, is actually a pretty good motivator to do something, keep being more sincere and more happy and harmless.