Claudiu's Journal

Hi Vineeto,

Hehe this is a cool way of describing ‘my’ anxiety - “a funny feeling in the belly when anxiousness sets in”, doesn’t sound so serious when you put it this way :laughing:

So yes this is essentially what happens for me too, in fact I could broadly break it down into 3 categories :

1 - “things are happening” - this is where there isn’t any of that kind of feeling, ‘I’ am ‘being’ supremely naive and it seems that ‘I’ am well on route to meeting ‘my’ destiny.

2 - “Funny feeling in the belly” - This is where there is still this dynamic aspect all around but also this anxiousness which is as if wanting to halt what is going on.

3 - “towards ‘normality’” - This is where ‘I’ have allowed the anxiousness to do it’s thing and now ‘I’ have reverted back to some kind of ‘normality’ in order to ease the pressure.

So no3 I am spending very little time in these days, it is mostly either no1 which when it is happening it seems nothing else is needed but to remain exactly in that place. And then no2 which still by all means is better than no3 and yet there is this kind of ‘friction’ that is halting things.

Now when I am in no1 it is like “standing still and watching the dust settle all around” is happening automatically, it is quite incredible because in that place it is like realisations are flying right, left and centre, like ‘I’ am being rapidly unraveled. Then when in no2 it seems like “things are no longer happening”, ‘I’ have halted ‘my’ undoing. This is when I would try to ‘go somewhere’ in that linear fashion and this is where a devolution into no3 can take place, back to ‘normal’, to the ‘doer’ etc.

So it seems what is required is to find a way to remain in no1 indefinitely, which means finding a way to return there once ‘I’ come in with ‘my’ friction - “a funny feeling in the belly when anxiousness sets in”, hehe it is quite funny that ‘I’ could prevent ‘myself’ from meeting ‘my’ destiny over such a silly thing.

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