Ok so now that I somewhat care again (lol) it all makes sense
It is obvious to me that I muck things up in the sense that an actually free Claudiu (which won’t be me!!! Lol) will be much better for everyone (most specifically my partner and my work and my family and the current fellow actualists and for spreading peace on earth therefrom)
Physically dying as in killing myself wouldn’t be a caring act, actually it’s selfish which is sort of funny.
But self immolating is a caring act because it actually benefits those others mentioned above
So it’s more just a question of am I willing to give myself up (that which I value most) in exchange for something of greater value outside of myself (the benefit to others), which includes this body (but this body isn’t me!!! Lol)
And as there is the blesséd (or is it blessèd?) aspect anyway it’s also a win for me too as it’s what I want anyway
At this point it’s more like a , I wouldn’t even be able to live with myself if I don’t lol, how self centered??
/ramble mode off