Claudiu's Journal

[claudiu]

@Miguel

This is interesting…

May be you can answer at least some of the following questions about that (notice that I am kind of “exploiting” your current state to help you/help us to analyze/record here more about pure intent -a subject that has proven to be complicated to use/understand for practitioners over the years-; later this could be connected to the appropriate topic or even article):

Sure

Firstly as a preamble, a few things have become clearer already.

1. There is the ‘basic’ established connection to pure intent in and of itself, which I am experiencing on an ongoing basis for the last few days (every second of every day ).
2. When I become overjoyed at the sheer wonder of being alive into an excellence experience, pure intent becomes active / ‘operative’. It is much closer and more immediate / more directly experienced.
3. And then in a PCE I am that very pure intent.

#2 is sort of an in-between of 1 and 3, and it is not always clear to me whether it’s a PCE or an EE. That isn’t to say that a PCE is not a binary thing - it is - just that it’s not always easy for me to tell as the EE can be quite close to it.

Although I experience pure intent differently between 1, 2, and 3, I realize (via going between them and paying attention to it) that the pure intent is the same. It’s not that pure intent ‘morphs’ or ‘changes’ – it’s that the same thing is being experienced differently. In #1 it’s more like it is there as a backup or a safety, and it can help lead me to #2 and #3, but it isn’t fully activated yet. While in #2 I am actively enjoying it and taking avail of it. And in #3 I am that very purity itself.

With that being said…

@Miguel

• When you say that you initially found pure intent in Ballina, does it mean that you experienced something there that you had not experienced before while practicing AF?

I thought that was the case when I was writing that, but now that you mentioned…

@Miguel

• If this was the case, does it imply that your first PCE was in Ballina -leaving aside your 2009/2010 MDMA experience- and because of that then you experienced pure intent for the first time?

• Or did you have PCEs before but failed to extract/separate/understand until Ballina what aspect of the PCE corresponded to pure intent -which can be used outside of PCEs-?

Now that I have gotten some clarity of it, I would say in that very 2009/2010 MDMA experience itself, I experienced pure intent in the 2nd and 3rd way – of being it / of it being operative. But I would not have put it that way at the time (for obvious reasons).

And I would also say, in the 2012 MDMA experience I had (see “Considering the Possibility” section), which prompted me to think “What if Richard is right?” – I was experiencing pure intent in the 1st way, i.e. it was not operative but it was enough that it got me to look more into this actualism thing sincerely.

Whereas in Ballina I experienced it the 1st way – and I didn’t get a clear sense of experiencing it the 2nd & 3rd way until much later.

@Miguel

• In any case, did your AF practice prior to Ballina not include pure intent?

• If so, can you describe what it consisted of, and how it differed from when you found pure intent?

I had no AF practice prior to my first trip to Ballina. I was completely turned around and befuddled by the affers and going down a very strange twist of a spiritual path.

@Miguel

I would certainly have trouble describing it in several aspects… Was there any response/comment from them to your description?

At the time (in person) they said something along the lines that they appreciated my reports and that it’s new information to them.

Also I found an e-mail I wrote to Vineeto & Richard on May 30, 2012 (!), where I talked about pure intent this way. Note here I was talking about experiencing it as in the 1st way:

CLAUDIU: I do understand [pure intent], now, and see how vital it is, yet even so, I find it hard to describe how to tap into it. Essentially all I can say is describe some of its qualities, namely:

• It is actually existing, that is, not mentally, affectively, or psychically created.
• It is intrinsic to the universe itself.
• One does not experience it via thoughts, feelings, the psyche, or the senses, but rather, an existential awareness.
  That being said, feelings & senses are certainly affected by tapping into the purity; feelings turn felicitous and senses become brighter and far more pleasant in an unimaginable way.
• It is obviously pure, it is obviously beneficial, it is obvious that tapping into it more would be beneficial for everyone.
• It is obvious what it is when you experience it - any uncertainty means that isn’t it.
• Felicitous feelings are the most accurate imitation of the purity.
• It has nothing to do with ‘me’.
• It seems intimately related to the fact that the actual world actually exists. Indeed, it seems to be the only hint, for a feeling-being, that there is something actually here.
• It is already there. That is, ‘I’ don’t have to hope or pray or wish it is there and that it doesn’t go away, because it’s there anyway.
• It has always been there, and always will be there. (The universe is indeed eternal.)
  Corollary: It was there before I came into existence, and it will continue to be there after I die.

Vineeto’s e-mail reply on June 18, 2012 was: “I like your points on recognizing pure intent, every one is spot on.”

So certainly I have known about it and experienced it this way for a while… indeed what is new this time around is the persistence/consistency of the experience of it. As to why it took almost 10 years to get to this point, that’s a great question, and basically only now am I really doing something about it lol. This time around it’s clear I don’t ever want to let the connection falter again.

What I would say re-reading my 2012 description now is that with the “feelings & senses are certainly affected by tapping into the purity; feelings turn felicitous and senses become brighter and far more pleasant in an unimaginable way.” it doesn’t necessarily follow, it’s not automatic. If I am persistent in wanting to feel bad, pure intent doesn’t automatically re-direct me. It’s not ‘out of my control’ – I still have to choose and actively follow it. As I write this now I think this is the piece I was missing – I was wanting it to just ‘happen for me’ / i.e. for some ‘one’ or some ‘thing’ else to do it to me / have it happen to me , while the issue all along was that I wasn’t wanting it to happen / wanting to allow it to happen. I mean I was, to a certain extent, but only to a limited extent which faltered many a time over the years.