This is funny although at the same time it’s not a laughing matter as that is the reason humankind is in the mess that it is in to begin with!
It seems what I am circling is the fact that ‘I’ cannot do it for ‘me’, but now it’s clear that ‘I’ cannot do it for ‘humanity’ either. So there is that jump from ‘humanity’ into actuality and it means leaving all that behind. Which means there has to be utter confidence that this course of action is ultimately beneficial for all, and not just in an intellectual manner but as an overall experiential seeing, this is what I seem to be circling.
‘I’ will not give ‘myself’ permission to allow self immolation without this confidence. Which is one of those ‘frustrating’ things. That this utter purity and perfection is at the fingertips and ‘I’ am not willing to give ‘myself’ permission to exit the scene and allow it irrevocably.