Today I had some time and I was again contemplating on having it happen, actually self-immolating… the thing that I have come to see is this:
That really, there is no way to self-immolate other than ‘me’ actually self-immolating 
It sounds tautological, but… what I mean is: all of ‘me’ has to actually go away, and disappear, entirely, and forever. A lot of what I have been up to seems to be to try to sneakily get around this requirement, like maybe a part of ‘me’ can keep going and then only most of ‘me’ will go away. But, that is not so.
So it’s a matter of cleanly and clearly separating out what is ‘me’, and what is actual… and what is ‘me’, all of ‘me’, agreeing to disappear, forever, for the benefit of that which is far superior, namely, actuality!
And, wondrously of all, I came to see that ‘I’ actually want this! ‘I’ can and am willing to give myself up for that which is superior! And this just feels so amazingly good – and not in an ecstatic way, but rather, in a naive way. It is like naivete ramped up to 1000%. It just feels so light, wondrous, and carefree, to give myself up like this! The way forward is clearly delineated by this direction – all of ‘me’, gladly and cheerfully giving ‘myself’ up! Like the actual feeling of getting on board with that is a wondrous and naive feeling, the affective hedonic tone is remarkable positive, it is just actually fun and wondrous to feel this way! All of ‘me’ getting on board 
Later in the day I was having a convo with two people and there was a lot of crosstalk and I wasn’t able to get out something that I really wanted to say. I had such a powerful reaction that I was floored and reeled. I got so amazingly annoyed! It was like a deep, burning annoyance. I kept my hands in my pockets and apparently it didn’t show, but this was such a deep annoyance, like it hit at my very core – and over such a trivial thing!
It was remarkable though that I was not annoyed at being annoyed, or beating myself up for feeling annoyed… I was allowing the annoyance, letting myself fully feel it, neither expressing nor repressing. And this helped me to see the shape of it, the shape of ‘me’. This remarkably deep and solid-feeling thing, like a rod of annoyance haha. It made it all the more clear that all of me, indeed, has to go!