Claudiu: Little update from me: today I have been reflecting on the fact that I can never be perfect. It is not possible for me, a feeling-being, to be perfect.
I thought to look at closing off any options that are not self-immolating. And in this context, it is really relevant to see that I can never be perfect. Because what I want is for life to be clean, clear, pure, perfect, and pristine – yet I as a feeling-being can never be that way. So it is not possible to have what I want if I remain.
It also means that I can stop trying to be perfect – and this was felt as such a relief, to no longer have to try to do something that is impossible!
Everything seems to flow from here – from seeing I am not and can never be perfect. Or to use other actualist lingo – that I am rotten to the core. Because also now that I know and accept that (and it has been fruitful to re-iterate, contemplate, really turn this about and feel it and accept it at the deepest levels of my being, which is still ongoing, for this to sink in) – I don’t have to defend myself anymore! There’s nothing to defend, because I already know I am rotten. If somebody does something that shows or ‘proves’ I am not perfect – yes, of course, I already knew that
Hi @Claudiu,
What a perfect insight! And what a relief to be able to let that sink in! It takes out all the stress of proving ‘yourself’, defending ‘yourself’ and hiding from ‘yourself’ and others. It also takes away a mountain of tasks you may have lined up for yourself to do first in order to be ‘worthy’ or be ‘ready’ for self-immolation.
Plus, you will find that one of the biggest fears of ‘me’ – to be exposed as being a traitor to humanity – will have lost its sting. This will allow the desire for oblivion from the depth of your ‘being’ to come to the surface and serve as your ally of self-immolation.
I am again reminded of Richard’s repeated statement during Dona’s and Alan’s visit – “there are no conditions for becoming actually free(1)”, ‘you’ can do it anytime, and when it happens it will be now. Your understanding that ‘you’ can never be perfect, has pulled the rug out from ‘you’ creating more conditions before the final event can happen. 
(1) Dona: “there is no direct correlation between the actualism method and becoming actually free. As Richard has stated, there are no conditions needed, it can happen now to anyone.” (link),
Claudiu: It seems like so much of human interpersonal conflict just stems from people trying to pretend they are perfect or ultimately infallible in some cosmic way.
So that’s been delicious to contemplate. Onwards!!
This is indeed an insight with wide-ranging consequences. Not only are ‘you’ no longer needed for things to run smoothly but literally everything ‘you’ do will interfere with perfection and purity. This is not only delicious, it is dynamite! Viz:
[Richard]: “What ‘I’ do, voluntarily and intentionally (cheerfully and blessedly), is press the button which precipitates a, oft-times alarming but always thrilling, momentum which will result in ‘my’ irrevocable ‘self’-immolation in toto. What one does is that one dedicates oneself to the challenge of being just here, right now, as the universe’s experience of itself … peace-on-earth is the inevitable result because it is already always existing (‘I’ was merely standing in the way of it being apparent).
The act of initiating this ‘process’ is altruism, pure and simple.” (List AF, No. 60, 3 Dec 2003).
Cheers Vineeto