Being out-from-control is funny. When I have the appearance of being ‘stuck’, I reflect on it and see that I’m not stuck. Then I reflect on loosening the reins to proceed further and I see the reins are already loose 
. Then I wonder what the next objection is and I have trouble finding one – or in other words like there isn’t really one. Although there must be something else it would have happened?
Might be more about finding additional reasons and/or motivation to take the final step. A huge one was identifying the pattern I have to withdraw and go into a complete “not caring” anymore, just turning away from a situation or a problem. I saw in a flash just how deeply depraved that actually is, and how I don’t want to do that anymore in my life – and it appears to have disappeared entirely!
Also for the longest time there was a little actualist voice in my head (that was ‘me’ of course) telling me that I should proceed, coaxing me along, imploring me, giving the feeling or appearance of this being an ‘important’ (as in ‘serious’) thing, essentially making a drama out of it – and now I see that that’s silly, totally unnecessary. Maybe it helped in the past but it just doesn’t seem to be a useful thing anymore!
So with no drama or moral obligation it’s clearer it is simply about wanting to do self-immolate because it’s a wonderful and perfect thing to do, and that it’s the best thing for this body and every body, rather than being compelled to do it by some force from within the human condition.
And yet even though it is not ‘important’ as in ‘serious’ – and there is no feeling or ‘rush’ to do it in a real-world time-pressure sense – it is clear it is important as in having a large and meaningful impact on this body, the bodies of those closest to me, and the world at large. And I was about to write that the sooner it happens the better, but even this does not seem to convey it exactly, is there really a “sooner” as opposed to a “later”? It is always just now anyway, after all…
Fun times