Claudiu's Journal

[claudiu]

I am pleased to report that as of August 20th, an out-from-control virtual freedom has resumed

It is funny because the current experience is such that I had been out-from-control the entire time. But until it resumed, my experience of myself certainly wasn’t that I was out-from-control the whole time. But it is odd because I wouldn’t say this experience of having been out-from-control the entire time is misinforming me in any way… but I remember that it wasn’t like that. I remember Richard saying something to me like, once you are actually free your experience is like you have been like that your entire life. I said something like, but that is very strange because you weren’t like that your entire life – and he agreed that it is very strange (he emphasized the “very strange”).

I wrote as much to Vineeto, and she wrote back on August 21st:

VINEETO: Yes, I understand this phenomenon – when ‘Vineeto’ came back to ‘her’ senses after being out-of-control ‘she’ was right back into being out-from-control and at the doorstep of becoming actually free (which happened three days later), like having closed a parenthesis or finished a short interlude.

And, referring to what Richard told me:

VINEETO: I had the same experience when I became newly actually free – that I had been like this all the time even though my memory told me otherwise. The actual body is here all the time and has its own memories but all had been covered up, overlaid, by the instinctual passions and the identity formed thereof.

As such, you are not starting a new, not even an unknown, life when you become actually free – you are finally able to live out in-the-open what you have always been, and experienced in your PCEs as wanting to always be. Hence Richard says in my favourite quote of his journal (Article 25) that “One has to be daring enough to live it … for it is both one’s audacious birth-right and adventurous destiny”.

---

I am finding that it’s actually remarkably straightforward to impart actualism to my fellow human beings, even if they are not actualists.

One particularly mirificient occasion was when a fellow human being reported to me that they found it was not worth their emotional energy to continue being upset about a situation. I agreed with them, and pointed out how not only is it better for their own life, but it’s also better for the lives of everybody around them, as the effects of being upset percolate into the lives of everyone they interact with (such as by talking about it with others and it affecting their moods).

Then I said how it’s actually a key part of actualism (I had discussed actualism with them in the past), that being happy is actually not a self-centered thing, but a selfless thing to do. They weren’t sure what I meant. So then I pointed out how in order to stop being upset, you have to give up a part of ‘yourself’ – that part of ‘you’ that is upset – in order to allow feeling good to eventuate. And much to my delight, they saw exactly what I meant!

Then they brought up the immediate point, which is very relevant, of what is known in the “Burning Man” culture as a “glitter fairy” (or something like this). This is a person who is completely unaware of the impact of their own actions – they are just frolicking about, littering and disturbing the environment, but they themselves are having a good time. Is this person not being happy yet also remarkably selfish?

First I ruled out the possibility of them being “clueless”. I said pretty soon after somebody does someone will inform them that their actions are disturbing people. After that, they can no longer claim to be clueless. Then I pointed out how they are actually being inconsiderate, and how with actualism the goal is not just to be happy but to be happy and harmless. This, then, is truly selfless.

And they understood the point! They really fully got it. What a wonderful thing!

---

Another recent occasion was when discussing God with some fellow human beings. They said that they don’t believe in the God as in a Christian God in a religious/church sense, but that there is “something” out there that they believe in that they call God. This was in the context of me saying how people need something outside of themselves to not go off the rails.

I said that I found that “God” is actually redundant, because there is the universe which already exists, and already exists outside of anybody. And not only that but it is infinite, eternal, “all-powerful” in a sense… so there is no need for a “God”. And they got the point and said that that is a wonderful way to put it!

---

What I am also particularly delighting in is having ‘challenging’ conversations, ones with emotional conflict, with a vastly reduced emotional charge from my part. I find that when somebody isn’t understanding my point, and they react in a defensive or even offensive way, or even just in a disagreeable way, which would previously often upset me or cause me to converse more aggressively – now instead I am able to just “stop” and let the fact of the dispute exist on its own. I don’t need to express that emotional energy anymore. Instead it just sits there… and I find often I don’t really know what to say next. In the past this would be uncomfortable and I think this contributed to my lashing out aggressively in the past. But now I can just let the fact of the situation sink in for all. More often than not, the other person “recoups” and then says something, some follow-up, that allows the conversation to proceed towards a mutual understanding and agreement. Or after some pause I will think of something else to say. Or we will just move on to another topic! Why not?

---

Writing this out I appreciate just how much positive and beneficial impact a happy and harmless person can have on the people they interact with on a regular basis. Really this is not just for me, but for everyone.