Falling asleep last night I was starting to feel some common anxiety and stress, and it just struck me as completely unnecessary and silly. I saw how the actual and direct and literal cure for that is – excellence! And by this I meant that which is experienced in an excellence experience.
It’s not that I have to do things or set my life up such that it is excellent. The EE is itself the cure, full stop, nothing else needed. And as such it really ultimately is something to “do” just like lifting my arm up – go towards excellence instead!
So all I have to do is allow that to happen. I contemplated what this would mean, the ending of ‘me’, as I fell asleep…
I found myself in a dream where the world had ended. There was an apocalyptic event, most of humanity had been wiped out. I gathered it was from deployment of nuclear weapons. I was living among a small group of people, and we all actually got along well and were living our lives. And we were just living.
During the dream I realized that if we wanted humanity to survive, we had to make a concerted effort, to rebuild infrastructure, regain capabilities (like eg smelting iron, I had no idea how to do it). So I went around to the other people and basically said as much: “If we want humanity to survive, we have to make a concerted effort…”, nods and smiles. Then I got emotional and said “I like humanity, and I want humanity to survive”. Everyone agreed and was on board, to have a society where still everyone has autonomy and does basically what they want, but we move towards a common goal of restoring humanity.
Having woken up, the significance is clear… by self-immolating I will be doing the best I can for humanity. Do not have to wait for a nuclear war to do it!