Hi Chrono,
It’s excellent to hear that you experientially discovered how to genuinely feel good – be in a good mood as someone else called it – to neither chase the ‘good’ feelings nor be seduced by the bad feelings. In this ‘gap’, so to speak, when ‘I’ am not dominating the scene, unconditional enjoyment and appreciation of simply being alive can become apparent, and of course the gap can become bigger and longer lasting. So you have experiential confirmation that your (Richard’s) success-criteria are possible.
Vineeto: There is only one ‘me’, who is a lost, lonely, frightened and very cunning entity, doing whatever ‘you’ can to prevent your escape. Because you say “I could just enjoy and appreciate this all the time” I understand this “sweetness” as an excellence experience or as pure intent being dynamically active, when you poke a hole into the commonly accepted reality and get a glimpse outside of the human condition – let me know if I understand this correctly.
Now it looks like when the fear of the “barren and stark reality” is not sufficient to discourage you from exploring the “sweetness” of pure intent, then reinforcement (for ‘me’) is summoned via reminding you of your relation to “others”, i.e. ‘humanity’.
Chrono: Yes I would say this is correct. And the seeing of this moment of being alive is experienced as a ‘feeling good’ pouring forth. The word “benediction” comes to mind.
There is a quote in Richard’s Journal describing the situation where fear of the “barren and stark reality” happens –
Richard: However, a word of experiential advice: just prior to apperception occurring, ‘I’, the beholder – the one who wants to be in control – can view life as being bereft of depth. Everything can become flat, two-dimensional, barren and stark. This is not actuality, although one may be inclined to feel it to be so. This is reality, stark reality, and is not to be confused with actuality. Actuality is never, ever, stark. This starkness can influence one to pull back, to retreat into ‘normal’ life. Courage of one’s conviction and confidence in the purity of the actual is essential if one is to proceed. All of one’s ‘being’ wants to back off and regain the once-despised reality that looks so attractive now, from this extreme position. (Richard’s Journal, Article Twenty-Six).
There is no benefit in going into or exploring this barrenness – it’s an atavistic feeling when ‘I’ feel threatened to the core of my ‘being’. It’s wonderful that you discovered and experienced how easy it is to leave it behind.
Chrono: All of this [benefits of contagiousness of felicitous feelings and quote re being ‘selfish’] started to make me think again how peace on earth is already always existing. It made me pause and think how ‘I’ could never create peace on earth. Thus peace on earth is also not for ‘me’. ‘I’ am the corruption preventing it. What ‘I’ had been doing is to try to bring it about through Good feelings. This is hard for ‘me’ to face viscerally as it means ‘I’ am not needed in any way at all. The experience is like getting very close to the center of the whirlpool of ‘being’. Everything is pulled to revolve around ‘me’. It’s incredible just how deep self-centricity runs. The instinct is that ‘I’ will do anything as long as ‘I’ survive.
I was also again thinking on what being harmless means. And the arrows of ‘being selfish’ fall flat when I realize that to be empathetically and compassionately helping any ‘other’ is only to be helping ‘me’. This feeling caring is for ‘me’ only. So that ‘I’ am affirmed and survive.
This last paragraph really puts it well. Rather than suppressing the feeling of empathy for the plight of the other/ for humanity you start becoming aware where your feelings and consequent actions are “for ‘me’ only”. You will notice that when you are feeling good/ feeling excellent, your caring consideration will be less ‘self’-centric and can segue into a near-actual-caring, which is still an affective caring as long as you are a feeling being. Again, Richard’s correspondence with Srinath contains a lot of information about the differences.
Vineeto: (…) This caring (becoming as harmless as possible and moving towards a near-actual caring) is of course not to be confused with the feeling caring that is taught as part of the (religious) morals and ethics of society. One is taught to be un-selfish, to put the other before oneself (which never ever happens in practice), in order to reap a feeling-better-than-thou superiority and/or a reward in a mythical life after physical death.
Provided you understand that the moral/ feeling caring is only keeping you locked within the human condition and that near-actual caring includes you as much as everyone else, then you can indeed use it as the driving force for the whole process of becoming free. (Direct Route, Vineeto to No. 13, 25 Jan 2010).
Chrono: In empathy, the benchmark for my feeling good (which is ultimately a Good feeling) has been if I’ve successfully pulled the other out of their misery (by going thru it myself). ‘I’ will only feel good if the ‘other’ feels good. Maybe compassion is the better word. Richard says here [added bold]:
Richard: … the whole point of activating the third alternative to either feeling powerless or feeling powerful – i.e., feeling harmless/ innocuous (as distinct from turn-the-other-cheek pacifistic behaviour) – is to dynamically defuse that entire power-structure/ power-battle way of life, which is so endemic in the animal realm, and thereby actively enable intimacy.
(After all, as ‘I’ am the ‘other’ – for each and every ‘me’ who is ‘other’ to ‘me’ – ‘I’ thus intimately know what it feels like, for those who are ‘other’ to ‘me’, to be such an ‘other’ upon each and every interaction). [Emphasis by Chrono]. (Richard, List D, Claudiu, 14 Jan 2016).
This scales all the way up to ‘I’ will only be free when Humanity is free. With this feeling logic, it would only ever be up to a Someone or Something for anyone to be free. The daunting aspect of it is that to unilaterally be happy and harmless means to leave Humanity itself behind.
Yes, when you are no longer waiting for some god to redeem you, then ‘I’ transfer the problem-solving to ‘Humanity’ at large – unilaterally setting myself free is a deeply felt taboo because it endangers ‘me’.
Chrono: It also occurs to me how much “power” plays a role in all interactions. There is a constant push and pull. It’s impossible to escape as long as I remain a feeling being. I am influencing and being influenced. I can see how being happy and harmless would be the better way of being but nonetheless it is this power (of being) which is the problem. What is the need for power? It’s like I’m always attacking and defending.
Richard put it in a nutshell in the quote you provided above –
Richard: … to dynamically defuse that entire power-structure/ power-battle way of life, which is so endemic in the animal realm, and thereby actively enable intimacy.
Chrono: Just a week ago my partner was telling me about how she was not feeling good in regards work and having to work plus also feeling tired. First there was the feeling upset that she is feeling upset. Then there was the antidotal compassion because that is the ‘Good’ action. Then catching this in action and returning to feeling good. I spoke with her and shared my thoughts on the matter and tried to get her to rememorate feeling good but she seemed stuck on feeling bad with a simultaneous resistance against my suggestion. I do have an understanding of how she feels (feeling of being trapped) but also know where those feelings lead over and over again. So I realized what she wanted at the time was to be affirmed in her feeling bad. Commiseration is venerated as wisdom. Even as I write this I cannot help but feel that it is taboo that I do not feel bad along with her. But it is not as strong as before.
I remember it dawned on feeling being ‘Vineeto’ at an early stage in exploring actualism that what ‘she’ wanted when sharing her (bad) feeling was emotional understanding and confirmation of ‘me’. When in distress, ‘she’ was not interested in any solution which would diminish ‘her’ being. Hence the demand for compassion rather than fixing the problem (very common in a man-woman relationship).
Chrono: But within all that there was the seeing of where that paradigm leads. That compassionate action also would not have helped her (Good keeps the Bad in place), it would have inevitably brought her back to the same place. The compassion is the very “help” that ‘I’ can ever provide. Yes, it is even more clear that any action within the Human Condition is bound to fail. It is ‘me’ caring for ‘me’. To be harmless (and happy) is an entirely new paradigm. An entirely new way of living. There’s still some contemplation going on here.
I am further reminded of this bit from Richard’s Journal:Richard: It is possible to be sensitive without being vulnerable. People mistakenly take the word ‘sensitive’ to mean being “emotionally open” … with unfortunate consequences. When I use the word ‘sensitive’ I mean being keenly aware of the other and oneself. Consideration, of both oneself and others, does not have to be an emotional involvement. The actually sensitive person has freed themselves from the loyalty to pathos, with all its ensuing pity, sympathy, empathy and compassion, by renouncing one’s own stake in personal sorrow. (Richard’s Journal, p. 84, Article 11).
Anyways she has since returned to feeling better and in fact I now notice that she can return quicker if I myself am feeling good. Felicitous feelings also can influence the other.
Indeed, when you manage to not be taken in, she can recognize in her own time how silly it is to be miserable over what is often a trivial issue, without fear that you might say “I told you so”. And the contagion of felicity can bring this about sooner rather than later.
Chrono: Aside from that I also noticed that there had been some resentments that I had held on with my partner. It seemed to be the nature of relationships. How could I not fall into the “forgive and forget” cycle? It’s clearly on my end anyway. And I had my answer this past weekend. While I was with her I noticed a stand out “togetherness” that I experienced that put all of these resentments out as if they never existed. It was rather unexpected as I had been reflecting on these resentments. There was no past or future. Again there was nothing to solve. Only in the normal way of relationships is there something to work on. This is simply an allowing of that which is already always existing. I meet her ever fresh. Enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive includes myself and the other. I notice now how it is a stark contrast to love.
Isn’t it fascinating how “a stand out ‘togetherness’” could wipe out old resentments as if they never existed – from the perspective of felicity and appreciation of this moment of being alive they had no substance whatsoever.
Chrono: Also more often I wake up even on a work day that it does not feel like a work day. On a work day the same places can feel different. As if it is a chore and a drag. I feel out the entire day and all the things that I must do. But it doesn’t feel like that at all. The “periphery” was as if I was going out to play. (link)
This is great to read, you seem to have the knack now of being confidently and comfortably in a good mood.
Cheers Vineeto