Vineeto: The people who invented and use such labels like “OCD” to ‘diagnose’ various aspects of the human condition can only endeavour to ameliorate the symptoms, if that, but fail to diagnose, let alone treat, the root cause of the problem itself – the instinctual imperative common to all feeling beings. And the cute thing is that the solution to the human condition, an actual freedom, has been “classified as a ‘severe psychotic condition’ in the DSM-IV” by those very same professionals. (link).
I am well pleased to hear that “applying the “it doesn’t really matter basis” to more and more things […] has caused some more ease and enjoyment”.
Chrono: Hi Vineeto,
Yes I did seem to have some remnant ways of looking and approaching to my feelings from prior conditioning. But I can honestly say that I have found that my life has improved much more with the actualism approach than in my entire lifetime of approaching it thru the lens of psychology and spirituality.
Hi Chrono,
It is very understandable that you “have some remnant ways of looking and approaching to my feelings from prior conditioning”. This will be the case until every bit of conditioning is recognized as such and put aside, so to speak. And every time you recognize and acknowledge that you are better off and that your “life has improved much more with the actualism approach”, it gives you confidence that the direction you have chosen is well worthwhile pursuing.
Chrono: This past week I went camping with my partner for the holiday and I noticed that she likes things in a very organized and specific way before she can relax. Otherwise she ends up becoming anxious or antsy. And that caused some frustration on my end as I prefer to do things in a leisurely way. But I saw that that was her way of being and that’s how she deals with it. She also does not readily share how she feels when experiencing a negative feeling as she needs time to process her feelings or she just keeps them bottled inside unless I really ask her. The sour vibe that stems from this causes anxiety on my end as it triggers my urgency to “fix” it. But I’ve already stated my preference to be open about feelings and/or talk through them. And only recently did I see that I’ve been adding fuel to the fire by going along with this way of being. It has been my main obstacle to feeling good now as I feel it to the core. Perhaps all of this is the very instinctual seriousness in action. So putting this on a “it doesn’t really matter basis” has been a huge help. Richard’s quote at the end highlights that I seem to lose sight of this fact of death and thus make everything serious.
Vineeto: (…) The only solution actualism has to offer is dissolution, in other words to become autonomous, so that a near-actual intimacy can ensue. (…)
Chrono: Also related, I saw in action how I create ripples by even wanting to share how I feel about my anxiety to her because it in turn activates some feeling for her. Even the very desire to share it is self-centric because if I’m being honest, the main reason I want to share is so that she will alleviate it through some commiseration. It does seem like the center of what a relationship is. But that never eliminates the original feeling. Only covers it up. And I realized that by trying to seek solace in this way, I end up reinforcing my way of being and also contributing to negative vibes.
Vineeto: How right you are – you create/ feed/ multiply those negative feelings and their accompanying vibes by ‘sharing’ – a word highly valued in modern social circles – unless you share delight and appreciation.
Chrono: I can see now that’s the only way (dissolution) thru this relationship dynamic as no other solution works in regards to peace and harmony. I am ready to ‘lay down my arms’ so to speak. Unilaterally cutting this cord as ‘Vineeto’ had done. I initially likened it to breaking up with them without breaking up with them, but it helps me more to frame it in the way of seeing that by being her ‘boyfriend’ or trying to have her be my ‘girlfriend’ prevents intimacy (which irony I find pretty funny). Once again I am seeing that it is the ‘Good’ that keeps the ‘Bad’ alive. By aiming to gain that “security” of the relationship, I am keeping ‘my’ loneliness and separation alive. And to break it down further, I am trying to gain that “security” instinctually via my male conditioning as you had described of giving solutions to my partner only so that it will provide me the emotional comfort of a “stable” relationship. It has nothing to with seeing her as a fellow human being.
Again, the key is to recognize the traditional way in action, reinforced by your feelings, and then, consciously and deliberatively – with knowledge aforethought – declining oh-so-sensibly to futilely go down that well-trodden path to nowhere fruitful yet again, and try something new, more naïve and playful, or even doing nothing for a while. You will notice that the moment you stop putting pressure on yourself and on your partner to force a solution, it becomes easier to feel good, the dynamic changes, and you can let a sensible course of action prevail.
There is a lot of information to be gained, and confirmation for what works and what doesn’t, when you apply attentiveness to how you behave and feel. It is, after all, the unravelling of a life-long programming plus conditioning, which you are undertaking, and you get better and better at it – you eventually can come to see it as fun puzzles you are solving. As you said to Josef –
Chrono: “Once again appreciating how life is so much easier when I am feeling good.”
Vineeto: Denying, pushing away or fighting fear in any way including being afraid of being afraid always adds fuel to the feeling of fear or dread. Look for the thrill. Here is a little story – (snipped)
Chrono: I can relate very well to being afraid of being afraid and to delve into the fear as that’s my main issue. I’ve been looking for the thrill on the bottom-left hand side as Richard suggests but can’t seem to find it (joking haha). I’m ready to embrace it as an adventure on the next occurrence.
At first, the fear seems insurmountable and you back away. But each time you gain some more insight (perhaps the thrill is the right-top corner, or down the middle?) and you dare to go a little further and gather more confidence each time you dare.
Chrono: It’s very interesting how one can be this spirit being while also denying one is a spirit being. Perhaps some self-survival strategy. I realized this was also the issue with the Buddhist ‘no-self’ crowd. They equate ‘no-self’ with there being no spirit while denying that they are that very spirit which is doing the looking. Once again, all eyes off ‘me’. Richard’s whole exposition of modern and ancient Buddhism was a real eye opener.
Vineeto: There is a useful word for it – cognitive dissonance. It is a most fascinating phenomenon of the instinctual survival passions in that one (unconsciously) will be overlooking, forgetting, disavowing, detaching from information or insight which appears to be threatening ‘my’ existence.
An ever-increasing attentiveness will eventually sweep out all dark corners of one’s psyche and make cognitive dissonance redundant so that naiveté can flourish.
Chrono: When I reflect on it, it seems as if ‘my’ whole existence is one giant cognitive dissonance. Something that I do not want to see or acknowledge.
Here is a pertinent quote from a long conversation Richard had with a someone concerned about sanity and insanity –
Richard: … in other words: when you observe what the world is doing (people in general) and what you are doing – and you wonder at the observation – do you wonder if you will ever see the sanity so completely that you will cease being sane?
Do you ever wonder if that is possible? (Richard, List B, No. 19l, 15 Apr 2003).
And from the same conversation further down –
Richard: When ‘me’ at the core of ‘my’ being (which is ‘being’ itself) becomes extinct all its states of being, ranging from sanity through to insanity, also cease to be … there is no ‘presence’ whatsoever here in this actual world to be either sane or insane. I just find it cute that the solution to all the ills of humankind be considered insanity by sane people (most of whom live by, or aspire to become, the model provided by the insanity of the altered states of consciousness which have become institutionalised over the aeons by being universally accepted as the summum bonum of human existence anyway). (Richard, List B, No. 19l, 20 Apr 2003).
Feeling being ‘Vineeto’ found this whole topic of sanity, insanity and salubriousness utterly fascinating reading and ‘she’ eventually fully understood the enormous ramifications of what it entails, for ‘herself’ and others. The human condition is a vast territory to explore and discover and every time when opposite feelings or morals are at loggerheads, there is the third alternative, right here, in this very moment of being alive.
Chrono: (…) I relate very much with what you wrote here:
Vineeto: … Often I experience it as ambrosial in nature, of a quality that fills me with extraordinary delight and well-being, in a way that it makes every cell in my body hum with fulfilment as if a missing chemical has suddenly been added to each cell’s physical structure.
(…)
Chrono: I experienced it again when I saw that I want to feel good for the rest of my life. It’s so much better than being anything else. I’ve been trying to see how to allow more of it. But each time I “try” to, it has the opposite effect.
I am still reading the correspondence and have more to write but I will have to come back to it. (link)
This is excellent and the best you can experience as a feeling being. It is the stream of benignity and benevolence of pure intent streaming in.
To “try” is to be exerting control, and pure intent cannot be forced, only invited and allowed to live your life.
Richard: Now that ‘I’ know, via direct experience, that ‘I’ can never, ever become perfect or be perfection … then the only thing ‘I’ can do – the only thing ‘I’ need to do – is to say !YES! so that the already always existing perfection can become apparent (‘I was taken away by the utter fullness of it!’). So when ‘I’ ask (as an open question) ‘what am I here for?’ … the essential character of the perfection of the infinitude of this universe which born me, is living me and will die me in due course, is enabled by ‘my’ concurrence. ‘I’ give ‘myself’ permission to allow this moment to live me (rather than ‘me’ trying to live in the present) … and let go the controls. (Richard, AF List, Alan-b, 5 Jul 2000).
A great report of incremental success.
Cheers Vineeto