Maybe I should respond with authenticity.
Post enlightenment - which for me is two bare minimum standards of realising there is no ‘me’ never was, and there is only the now - I thought there is something here - these feelings.
I know AF progress comes when there is a deep dislike for this feeling being.
So yes, I thought there is no me, never was, but these feelings are there, and let me connect with them with somatic experiencing therapy.
So for the past few months, I’ve been connecting deeply with this feeling being - and it’s been a magical and wonderful journey. It’s the absolute highlight of my week.
What happens is for the first 10-15 minutes, I connect to feelings.
Like for example, now I’ll have a range of feelings.
I just thought I’d post an update on here with where I am.
Be as respectful as possible and not diss AF or the forum members.
I then hear you quote Richard as saying people can string logic together, but PCE shows that’s all bollocks.
I think I’ve had a ton of PCE’s, but if I go into them, then people will say no PCE.
Then a thought comes up, it’s important for me to realise PCE - if I’m not convinced then it’s not PCE.
I realise, nope, skydiving or ayahuasca not PCE to me.
But 5-meo-dmt for fricking sure - because I BECOME the non dual awareness absolutely in love with the visions - in fact, i am the visions and the thought of Bub is so far away it’s not even accessible. Drowning in bliss, and unable to even get access to my identity even if I wanted to for those few minutes - that should be a PCE.
Next thought - I can’t convince anyone here I had a PCE and that I didn’t think it was all that.
Then I hear mental gymnastics and I think no me to get rid of me, but some me steps back and hands over control to some other me and then says get rid of me and me then disappears and all this isn’t mental gymnastics?
Thinking police officer berating me, I’ll be late, have to do something, so I start crying, but not crying but facsimile of crying isn’t mental gymnastics.
But dont say anything.
I give the most kind response I can muster.
I then think my response saying when one of you get there, then I’ll reconsider was passive aggressively mean. That one sentence digs at me. And there is guilt with that. I then change sentence to if any of you get there, I’ll be happy to hear of your journey.
So yes, I listen to feelings for the first 10-15 minutes, then the most magical thing happens - my feelings start speaking to me as if they were a separate person.
Saying things like:
You say you’re happy, but how can you be happy if you’re always annoyed or anxious.
I say I need some anxiety to get stuff done - to hear, I dont need anxiety to get my work stuff done 100%. to use that same professionalism with my personal stuff.
I say I have a ceiling of self worth and deservedness and they say, bollocks, you are a greedy so and so and want the best of everything. Your issue isn’t self worth and deservedness, it’s really sitting with emotional discomfort. The people you respect the most have succeeded mainly because they have sat through emotional discomfort.
They say the girl you want doesn’t exist, and go for a girl who you feel like sleeping with multiple times a week and I do that. And it goes awry, and they then say, don’t go for love, that’s looking for childhood wounds to get healed. Go for a ‘boring’ girl - the girl who’s been dumped by boyfriends or dates thinking she was too boring, she will give you the love you want, and vice versa.
I could go on and on, but connecting with these feelings, or feeling-being if you must, and communicating with them has been one the most beautiful and enriching experiences of my life.
It’s like having the wisest, most compassionate and understanding soul guiding me and helping me navigate life.
And I could never ever dream of getting rid of this wisdom.
I don’t think one can achieve a constant PCE - once I meet someone who has (including Srinath) then I’ll definitely reconsider.
Here’s me being as honest and helpful as I can be - it might come across as dissing AF, and I am to be fair. But it’s as helpful as I can be.
Look at the criticisms -
Overcomplicating an allegedly simple process.
If things were simple, Vineeto wouldn’t need to corrrect experienced members on basic thoughts on an almost daily basis.
Self immolation - no clear cut guide to get there. I know, I looked, and looked and looked. If it was clear, more than 3 people (original founders) would have gotten there.
Getting rid of social conditioning - thousands upon thousands of programs to be gotten rid of. Heck, I have a few deep seated programs I would love to get rid of. Even this emotional discomfort before gym would change my life drastically.
I’d think how egotistical or grandiose I would sound if i ever told anyone I knew that I had gotten rid of ALL social conditioning.
The process isn’t simple, or clear - or Vineeto wouldn’t be having to clariy things on a daily basis and people would actually be having a better success rate than 0%.
But if not better than 0%, then at the very least what about feeling a PCE for longer than a few minutes?
So for me, I see the lack of success with PCE’s, the mental gymnastics, the rationalisations, the frustrations despite no lack of tremendous tremendous effort and think let someone else get there first and I can reconsider.
For now, stick with what demonstrably works - happy and harmless, appreciating and enjoying this moment of being alive, sensate apperception, and yes, deep genuine caring, which Srinath said was a major driver for his success.
PCE showing the perfection of life and destroying duality - 100%. But you dont need a constant PCE to get there, if in your heart you genuinely believe there is no duality and it’s all absolutely perfect as it is.
Why a constant search for a constant PCE, and have a chronic dissatisfaction with the present moment coming second best to some arbitrary post self immolatory post feeling being post social conditioning future? Which no one other than original founders have gotten to.
There are far better worlds than this - I point you to Actuality, ladies and gentleman.
Absolutely perfect actual now. That can’t get any better than it is (the only way it can get better is with my growing gratitude appreciation of it’s absolute perfection). Driven by the LOVE that characterises EVERY single aspect of existence.
How does it get better than This?