Oh, oh!
Brain wave idea… Must write down.
“I have had/can have peak experiences even with a fat belly” (any objections etc).
Circle back, see what is the object of ‘myself’ and remember that i have had/can have peak experiences in spite of this ‘objection’, because i have. Fact.
With
are you describing the meandering of thoughts, or is it a reflection/pondering about your physical condition vs. the ability to have EEs, to feel good in spite of that, etc.?
That was just a thought that popped into my head at work.
I was just logging in to post the next thought;
I am not going to get anywhere with my current MO. Or maybe i will. Just a thought.
Every peak experience i ever had was when i was really, really trying. Or going through something.
I had a really nice walk this evening. Through a suburb i hadn’t ever really explored. Interesting sights and lovely discoveries.
I am liking this experiment. Going back the the thought “peak experiences” and just going with the new place the thought has moved too, without really trying to move it.
There is a hopeless feeling, but then again, since when was hope/or hopeless a prerequisite for success in actualism?
Oh, OK.
I asked because I related it to a particular experience, when during a long PCE/EE certain chronic stomach/abdominal discomfort was getting much worse, and I was pleased to see that I could continue at least in EE in spite of the physical discomfort.
@Andrew great idea to go with what worked for you before. You have to find your own way of getting into a PCE, rather than focussing too much on what someone else said. I think walking around a new suburb can definitely trigger a PCE
@Miguel Yes, that’s bean the theme of where the thought is moving too; any point in time, no matter what i am feeling is just as likely for a peak experience. There is a new direction in all of this. A smooth, almost lazy feeling, as in “no, i must be really really trying”, however i can see it is a new direction. Unexplored.
A naivete towards the thought itself, that nothing i am currently feeling can really lock me out, unless i choose for it to be a reason.
It’s definitely a “neither express or repress” feeling. I can feel stark, hopeless, hopeful, whatever. Trying to change the TRex into a poodle isn’t going to work. The TRex has to decide to engage naivete, allow the comet, embrace the extinction. Embrace a world without 'dinosaurs. '.
The feeling of the universe rolling on without me.
R. E. M. “it’s the end of the world as we know it, and i feel fine” 
The real world is everywhere.
Which is the world i otherwise think is all in my head…
I think this is the bit i have been missing. The real world is everywhere. Everything i see, touch, smell, taste etc, is all ‘real’.
I have been taking everything personally.
@Srinath mentioned something like “knowing the shape of me”, which got me thinking about all the ‘me’ that i still hoped was other than it is.
Emotionally accepting ‘women’, emotionally accepting ‘work’ emotionally accepting the ‘crows’ that won’t stop cawing outside my window.
It’s all ‘real’. And it isn’t personal. This is the world that ‘i’ live in and the world i am encouraged to enjoy and appreciate.
Seems so obvious. I can see why it didn’t occur to me though. The default is to take everything personally. That is the nature of ‘self’. It’s observable in history. It didn’t rain? It must be ‘our’ fault. ‘we’ should kill something or someone to appease ‘god’.
I can see why enlightenment is an danger.
I, OTOH, love crows cawing. Their sounds enliven the environment. I can’t relate when people say crows vocalisations are annoying. There is something psychological about it.
In contrast to the above, I can’t bear the sound of metal rubbing metal producing a rough screeching or raucous sound. But that’s not a big deal for many. 
I’ve been on a journey through a whole genre of music i only had a cursory enjoyment of; hip hop and rap.
It’s been a week, and it’s quarter past one in the morning; smiling my ass of watching Outkast videos.
It’s funny, Eminem and I are the same age. Watching vicariously his struggles with identity in his mid forties is like watching a worm on the stark pavement of impending death, trying to find the moist dirt it once was so at home in.
Such a cool trip.
For those playing at home, i have three “black” sons. Half me, half Ghana. Music, dance, and genius artists are the life blood of being “black”. It’s funny being so “black” in white skin, watching artists who are so “white” in black skin.
So again, something is coming in from left field.
Something about how i construe actualism.
This is my world. No ‘squotes’, no need for analysis or definition. This world i perceive in whatever way i perceive it is the world i am encouraged to “enjoy and appreciate”.
I have said it before, over the last decade many times, but for me there was always something very “Christian” about the way i construed actualism.
‘self’ = bad, evil, the devil.
“actual” = good, holy, god.
I always had a hard time reading Richard talk about the ‘self’ being rotten.
I think i would have benefited greatly being able to live in proximity of other actualists, and actually free people. What i construed was never the point.
The discussion about what is actual, what is real, what is an illusion, (if illusion is even a thing), how anything exists etc, is really beside the point.
The point is; whatever world this is, however it exists or doesn’t, is the world i am encouraged to enjoy, appreciate, and otherwise feel good in. In the most happy and harmless way possible.
If i ever actually manage to have a definitive PCE, it will be because i no longer construe this as some “good vs evil” battle, when i no longer see myself on either side. When i stop seeing this as something i must do out of some duty, and the sensibility of continuous enjoyment is my 100% goal.
I remember hold my father’s hand, not long before he died of cancer. He encouraged me to, hmm, i can’t remember exactly, something about accepting Jesus…
I just realised that Richard cared more for me when he was “telling me off” than my own father in his dying weeks. He actually cared that I felt good. That was the whole point.
So my three sons are my best friends.
Had a conversation with my middle son just now. We were both slapping our thighs with how similar our relationship with women is. 
Even though there is 25 years difference in the age of our girlfriends, just how identical the experience is in the way they treat us. Amazing.
No one really grows up. It’s the same program, ad nauseum. Hilarious when two men, father and son, with 26 years between them, can relate to exactly the same experience happening now.
In short, pimp or be pimped. That is the question.
There is a vibrancy to the world when the silliness of relationships can be laughed at.
Everything can be interesting when the “carrot” is just another player on the stage of each moment.
A semi-trailer with “centurion” emblazoned on the side of its curtain tray could well be the centre of it all. This guy playing 20 year old hits live at the pub could be the centre.
So very humorous to have nothing to live for, but so much to smile at.
At this rate, I’ll be 96 and still smiling.
Well, as you are his father, he likely learned a lot about how to relate to and interact with women from you yourself. So it isn’t so surprising he would have the same experience as you. For a counter-example, my experience with relationships with women is not like this (“pimp or be pimped”).
It is salient that you talk about how identically women treat you and your son, yet you don’t mention anything at all about the other half of the equation - how you and your son treat women.
It would be funny, and very possible, that your past and current partners are having a night out with the girls and slapping their thighs at how similarly their relationship with men is – and how similarly men treat them – and likewise not looking at their own side of the equation.
As Richard and Vineeto have finally demonstrated it is possible for man and woman to live in perfect peace and harmony - for the first time in human history - it is eminently clear that there is now something you can do about it in your own life.
So what do you choose - continuing the no-doubt millennia-old tradition of ‘men’ sharing thigh-slapping anecdotes about ‘women’ - or looking at your own role in it, making it a goal to live in peace and harmony, mutual enjoyment and appreciation, with a member of the opposite sex, and then taking the steps necessary to have that happen?
And just to stave off a certain type of response at the pass, if the genders were reversed the message would be exactly the same, simply swapping ‘woman’ for ‘man’ and ‘man’ for ‘woman’ wherever pertinent.
I never pondered the fact that I was alive as that seemed evident to me. I did reflect on time often and that it was always now, but not as a consistent moment to moment practice. It is useful to contemplate time, how useful will depend on the individual I guess. Also remember that the actualism method is about ‘enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive’ - eaatmoa if you like, rather than haietmoba.
I actually learnt something a couple of days ago, to further my “pimp” comment.
(“pimp” is now often used colloquially, in a “watered down” way , which basically means that one is always in some battle for control.
I have also been listening to a lot a rap & hiphop.)
I saw how my war with nature, with women, with being a “man” boils down to be verbally direct, diplomatically “straight up”.
I talk “around” things in relationships. At work, i talk “around” things. Not directly at the point i think really needs attention.
Well, more accurately, i do this enough that it has a detrimental effect on the quality of my life.
I started being very direct, deliberately, a few days ago at work, and also (after blowing up a couple of weeks ago in anger in my relationship), more directly with her too.
So, the outcome so far has been good. I feel less “pimped”.
What i noticed with women, going to your point about how my son an i may have in common, is this is very much “our side” of the thigh slapping common behaviour ; the more direct we are, the more the women in our lives like it. The less direct, the less they like it.
Is that because now you are “pimping” more? Or is it something else?
I just ask because although you can certainly strive to win the battles and have the upper hand in the war - it is more recommendable for success with actualism to find a way to stop fighting it in the first place. Which is not to say you lose the battles - rather, if there’s no battle in the first place then there’s no winner or loser either.