And so, I am here through the misguided desire of a ‘man’ and a ‘woman’. Desiring much the same.
Yearning for what can’t be had; a moment which stops time in blissful release.
I am told that there is a stillness actually. To have it one must give up hope. Give up fear.
But, each day goes on. Moves. Nothing stays still. This too shall pass.
It seems that this isn’t the forum to say anything like this.
I understand those who say nothing. Who feel no part of what actualism is all about.
However, there is a power in knowing what the “void” is. A power in not caring.
Certainly not useful in these here parts, but handy in the day-to-day where the scattered hopes and broken dreams lay, concealed lazily under empty words and catch phrases.
It’s as if, and i will certainly try this ; stop caring at all.
I have so often thought that actualism was a western extension of Christianity, a salvation of sorts. Yet, i am seeing that it’s another thing altogether. A way of traversing the desert of the thinly veiled lies that we cling too and run from.
There is always one question however, and it’s the one no one has answered ; why?
Are you implying that an approach of “stop caring at all” is conducive to actualism? Because it’s the exact opposite — actualism is about daring to care.
Oh it has been answered. In short … because it is fun to be alive 
I must have missed it, or it was implied somewhere… Where was the question? What was it?
Oh…
May be was a retorical question, but from an evolutionary point of view it had to have adaptive value, as for other “higher animals” that also experience psychological suffering. The problem is that the instinctive program that each individual executes to maintain the species, is not particularly interested in the individual welfare.
The domestic dog’s affection for its master was evolutionarily adaptive in order to obtain food, shelter, etc. So much so that, if it loses its master, it will suffer loneliness and will prefer to find another master as soon as possible; even if it has been mistreated.
Similarly, brave humans who disbelieved that certain noises came from wilds beasts would have been less likely to reproduce than fearful ones who did not take such risks… Also, people in love would be more likely to reproduce than unloving people.
So they all pass on those instinctive/adaptive traits to its descendants, regardless of how they make them feel as individuals…
Hmm, something tells me that the answer is so obvious to a 5 year old, but somehow lost after that, in some way, it all makes sense.
I think the hindu, Pythagorean, rebirth, re-incarnation ideas are our best attempt at it. I think our better attempt at it is yet to come.
We are in the 5000 plus year twilight Zone between unconscious animalism and sensible sensuousness.
Interesting thought ; in a million years, or less, i think we, humans, will be androgenous hermaphrodites.
The war of the sexes will be over. Eventually.
It would be amazing to have friends. I guess i am not a great friend, so how can i expect that?
I understand. The horror. Maybe i should find some philosophical forum. Somehow it’s wrong to write anything here. Sacred ground. Pollution. Even if i could cry forever, nothing comes back to me.
I thought i should be something. I had no excuse to be broken. It’s ok. That’s normal. Normal. So very normal.
103 billion normal lives. Who am i to complain?
Can/want elaborate more…?
Something with authority. Integrity.
Experience.
Like Clint Eastwood. Knowing.
But i am less than Brabdo “on the waterfront”, i could have been a contentor.
Oh, I see…
This IS a normal feeling (I mean: you are not alone; no)
It’s not good to pollute this forum. So many have been that. I am satan. I am the one sent to destroy.
So very very pathetic. That’s my power. It’s in the weakness i prosper. It’s because i can have just a hint of empathy, i can sink your ship.
I have become death. Destroyer of worlds. Not through might, or because i hold any power, but because YOU pity me.
YOU must sacrifice me. YOU must cut me loose.
If you can do this, you will save everything. For now, at least.
If I understand this, then I can’t help but see it as an opportunity to check if I/we let the pollution reach and intoxicate me/us, and to see my/our weaknesses by observing where my/our empathy, pity, etc., comes from, right?
Its messy. @Miguel. Something about all of this for me is about the mess.
Hence the question. Why the mess?
It’s not really a question. Rather, a matter of navigation.
Something has to be clean before you can pollute it. What makes you think this forum was ever clean?
You arrived too late then.
Came to the right place then. This is a club for dirty, defiled, rotten, corrupt, perverted, parasites, remember?
P.S. However bad you are, you certainly ain’t as bad as this guy. Came across his story yesterday. Up for parole in 2023. Ah, the universe never ceases to amaze!
Usually, the child would endure prolonged rape and torture by having the hands, feet and buttocks stabbed with a screwdriver. Garavito was also known to place broken blades in between his fingers, and flay the skin of the child’s buttocks. Teeth were often knocked out and sharpened objects inserted into the anus. The penis and testicles were also often severed and placed into the child’s mouth while alive. They were burned with a lighter, stomped on and often showed deep cuts in the back, belly and throat. In some cases, they were sexually abused as their intestines poured out of their belly, impaled through the anus and out of the mouth, and stabbed over one hundred times. Garavito’s climax would occur when he had decapitated the child alive or cut the throat as he finished before leaving the severed genitals in the mouth of the decapitated head.
Luis Garavito - Wikipedia
@rick you know how much it hurts.
It’s sorta funny really. All of this really comes down to wanting partner who gives a shit.
It’s really that. Nothing more.
A selfish want.
Could I really do this solo?
Solo.
Is it even possible?
Long, big, discussions. Drunk. Partner. No idea.
Wanting a woman to actually understand.
It’s ok. NORMAL. no problem. Obviously.
If this is to be done, then life will find a way.
Surely.
As Rick pointed out, life is watching itself fuck itself over. BiG time.
But here i am. On the brink. The edge. Just good enough to be not good enough.
It’s ok. I won’t check out.
My sons will wonder more if i stick around. If i were to check out, have i benefited them?
I don’t know.