The question I have been running for a few weeks is “what is pure intent?”
Without trying to think it or feel it through.
I began wondering if pure intent has a “will” aspect.
Whatever thinking has happened circles back to this wondering. What does benevolence mean in context of the universe?
The recently resurrected “pure intent” thread has many great posts.
Something happened when I was waking up today. A few moments of something.
It was weird. Like really not going anywhere mentally, that nothing at all matters, and the feeling/noticing/impression was “could it all be so clean?”
Hmm, it is a palpable life force but I am not sure if ascribing a ‘will’ aspect to it could confuse it because then it gets into - whose will is it? is it somehow sentient/intelligent, does it have a direction, purpose etc
Whereas Pure intent is simply something that is intrinsic to the actual universe, it is everywhere all at once therefore it has no direction or purpose as such.
I remember the PCE I had when I was young and walking back from school, that palpable aspect of pure intent was really what stood out, except at that time I didn’t know to call it pure intent.
What I found was that there was this perfection and benevolence that was somewhat out there in the physical world, almost as a physical quality in its own right which was imbued into everything.
I remember thinking that this perfection and benevolence is ‘floating in the air I breathe’ and ‘rustling with the leaves’, it seemed like it was substantial, actual.
I think aiming for that palpable, substantial, actual quality will be useful. As in it is something that is actually, genuinely ‘out there’. Although this ‘out there’ is intimately here right now when it is being experienced.
Indeed, I am playing with the “will” aspect very loosely.
If that moment this morning was PCE like, then it was like looking into the sun. The “will” of the something left no shadow, because it was already everywhere.
Like getting hit by a bus from all directions. There is no ‘where’ left.
So as a “life force” it’s behind me already, as much as in front.
Claudiu: ‘I’ am free to be exactly how ‘I’ am, rotten through and through, with all ‘my’ ugliness and perversions - and it’s “ok” because the purity makes it safe and ensures ‘I’ won’t direct the body to harm anyone’
Ahh indeed. If I were to write it now I’d put it a little differently, more like:
‘I’ am free to see ‘myself’ and accept ‘myself’ exactly as ‘I’ really am, rotten through and through, with all ‘my’ ugliness and perversions - and it’s “ok” because the purity makes an alternative clear, that ‘I’ don’t have to be that way forever, that ‘I’ am not stuck like this, that life is not a vale of tears, and that it’s safe for ‘me’ to change and allow ‘myself’ to disappear.
Basically it’s expanding on what the “ok” means, as to why I put it in quotes in the first place Implicit in this ^ is the part about the safety as well, but it’s really more than what I wrote initially, it’s not just about not-harmless actions (though that’s a part of it) but also not-harmless vibes and not-harmless psychic currents …
Reading @claudiu; his excellent exposition of investigation of facts, was rather serendipitous.
Is it a fact that ‘I’ have done anything of worth?
Isn’t that why I am so grumpy? Sad? That I feel that I did something important?.
All those years of slogging it out, I take credit for them. However, who was doing the work, and who was suffering?
The issue is not ego per se, that is all an elaborate “holodeck” which the universe and other ‘players’ agree to accommodate. Indeed, the universe goes one step further and accommodates ‘Me’, the primordial self.
The issue is whether ‘I’ as this primordial feeling of being ‘Me’ was ever truly doing anything useful.
I want to believe, because that justifies my anger and sadness, that ‘I’ was needed. It feels completely unjust that ‘I’ could have been here for no good reason. A startled misunderstanding. A frightened animal.
Thus, it make complete sense to only enjoy and appreciate. Anything else is simply arguing that ‘I’ had some purpose which has gone unjustly unrecognised, to which I need to build yet another ego display to “get what I deserve”.
Simply put; did ‘I’ really achieve all those things? Or did I tag along claiming it to be me, like as @Srinath said “an old man, who should have given over to the younger and better a long time ago” (words to the effect, not sure if it’s even a paraphrase)
I was going to say, whatever use ‘I’ may have had, is long gone. There truly is just one moment of naivete required to “tap my ruby slippers together” and prove that worth I feel I have.
Yeah this is a big one, the only ‘use’ ‘I’ ever had was in complicating things haha and still do so now.
It goes somewhat like this - ‘I’ find (aka create) a problem then ‘I’ find a solution - then ‘I’ go about feeling and believing that ‘I’ am required to hold everything together. The only thing held together is a drama that has no need at all.
Right. I was sad whilst tripping; everything I built was taken for granted! Being a ‘man’ sucks.
Then I thought; did I really build anything? Or did I just get in the way of building things?
As you say, but taken further; ‘I’ am problem which ‘I’ solved by creating ‘me’ - an identity. An identity which was already confused in it’s purpose (was I here to build anything?) and then lost and cunning (surely I built all of this!) then further, lonely (no one can see what I built!).
As Richard mused once, whilst looking at the immense amount of work his father had done farming; “did he enjoy doing all of this?”.
To answer a question from another thread, regarding self, ego, soul, etc; Richard has usually referred to “the identity that used to live in this body all those years ago”.
Identity is formed out of the confusion between the blind instinctual feelings and consciousness.
Blind feelings, (those not yet emotions, but rather raw drives), automatically have a “place” created in consciousness simply because consciousness doesn’t itself choose. Choice is a function of a third phenomenon; intelligence.
So, we imagine a structure we call ‘self’ but that isn’t really what self is. There is no structure. It’s a feeling. A nebulous blob (my vote is still for this to be the new 'self’).
The issue isn’t the raw feeling, rather the identity which automatically forms.
Which is why all attempts to deconstruct the ‘self’ are doomed to failure; there is nothing to deconstruct.
Identity is a coherent whole. You can prod it, twist it, cut chunks off it (or think you did) and it will survive all of this because one is “tilting at windmills”; The self is you. There is no getting around the identity being real.
One can call it an illusion until the sun explodes, to no avail.
I am really scared of physically dying at any moment. The reason? Because I don’t want this to be over before “doing what I came to do”.
I don’t want my sons wandering this world as lost as I have been. I want, if only for a few minutes, to have lived the ultimate to show them it was possible.
Fingers and toes crossed I live to get that chance.
It was a little difficult making heads or tails of your live report. Things were coming in fragments. When you can, would be nice if you could elaborate a bit more on what you saw.
. But this feeling is not necessarily a fact …
Implicit in this ^ is the part about the safety as well, but it’s really more than what I wrote initially, it’s not just about not-harmless actions (though that’s a part of it) but also not-harmless vibes and not-harmless psychic currents …