I just didn’t see this before!
There is no separate “minimisation “ of ‘myself’ other than what is achieved via “enjoying and appreciating facilitated by feeling good, great, happy and harmless “.
That is the entire trick!
Edit; there has always been a trick I played on myself so as to get “no where” with Actualism. It was in many moments, an “imperative command “.
Even all the way back to Yahoo, I said as much to Richard. I was looking for a “god man” to tell me what to do, but I had only got as far as to rebel against such god men. I was stuck in rebellion. That was a “free” as I could feel.
Following on from the realisation that ‘I’, the person I feel myself to be, the ‘Andrew’ who is the only one writing this, GETS TO ENJOY the whole ride!
What would “bounce” me, is that rebellion. Which, I see now, quite clearly was ‘me’ protecting’my’ existence the entire time.
What I was rebellious against was the very thing Actualism was NEVER saying! It never said that I needed to suffer. Or that more fully explained, that because ‘I’ am the reason the world is messed up, (rotten to the core) that in NO WAY was there any repercussions, or condemnation, or even embarrassment, and especially not “repentance “ required.
I literally have been offered to enjoy and appreciate my way to actual freedom, for something like 14 years. I never got that part. Suffering was never encouraged, or in anyway prescribed.
As I am still working through this I will say more. (Rather than waiting for a thesis).
I was ALREADY suffering. I was already having a mainly unpleasant time. It is indeed highly motivating to seek an answer, an escape, a blissful release. What didn’t click, was that was never part of the solution. ‘I’ am the suffering. So, it was always about minimising that suffering, which was made up of malice and sorrow, and maximising feeling good.
I don’t in anyway blame my past self, and I am writing more, as if I left it as it was, it certainly looks like some blame is in there . As in, I was worthy of “wry amusement “, ..
I can’t say that anything could have changed that, in hindsight. At this point, I am tempted to try and “solve the problem “ as to why 14 years have passed. As if saving the next person is my responsibility. (I am yet to “save myself “).
Anyway, that last paragraph is to fill out that there was never a “shorter path”, and I am not at the end, yet. It’s to acknowledge that indeed, once one is on the path to improving one’s lot, one will have the drama needed. Not because it is prescribed, but because, IT WAS ALWAYS ALREADY THERE.
(Not shouting, caps just look cool, IRL I write only in caps)