Andrew

[Kub933]

Hi Andrew,

@Andrew

firstly, when I am posting regularly like i have been doing lately, I wake up each morning with the cringing feeling “what did I say? Oh, that is …ugh..”

However, whenever I feel that embarrassment arise, or that hesitancy creep in, I ask myself something like “If I feel that NOT posting is the correct thing to do, then who is running this show? A feeling!”

Oh I know this feeling so well! At times I would have been chilling out and all of a sudden it’s like a bus just drove into me screaming “what the hell have you just posted publicly!?”

I find if I write about some solid discovery I made then the feeling is not there, experientially knowing something provides the assurance. But when I am working something out there is indeed that embarrassed, cringy, vulnerable etc feeling. But then it makes sense, ‘I’ am after all spilling out ‘my’ psychological and psychic workings onto the screen to be likely exposed for a furphy. Also I have found a similar ‘vulnerable’ feeling when allowing myself to be more unsophisticated and not just on the forum but in general.

This feeling has gone from being almost crippling in the past to just something that pops up in the background, I guess I just accept it as par for the course now. But I do wonder if that kind of feeling can disappear altogether when naivete is allowed fully. After all ‘my’ condition is the ‘human condition’, the shame, embarrassment etc rests on ‘my’ belief that it is all personal to ‘me’.