Thanks Vineeto.
Your insights are truly remarkable.
I enjoy re-reading the writing of Richard , especially as I have read it before but not had any connection with them; having them stand out to me like this is lovely.
Your links between’my” generation and Buddhism, repetitive musical motifs, focusing on suffering, are remarkable. They are like “water to a fish” to me; I was tangentially aware, but having it pointed out? Wow.
I have been wondering how my mother remained so insulated from self reflection. Christianity is a hell of a drug, it would seem.
I am tempted to see something of the overall “tone” of rebellion in my feelings towards the moments I remember.
In all of this, it’s very obvious I don’t “know” as you pointed out a few posts back. These ideas are all interesting, I “think” some are close.
One of the obvious things from this whole interest in buying musical equipment is how I desire it, but reject it at the same time! I would have no such qualms about buying a car. There is something socially acceptable about even going into a lot of debt to own a car, but even say, $6000 spent of a few high quality musical goods is bringing out all sorts of feelings towards the world and myself.
I watched something the other day about how the world loves art, but generally hates artists. It seemed self serving in that the person was an artist (strangely I feel this revulsion in calling them an artist!).
The particular thing my mother was drawing when I was two years old, was a stylised “dog” character with a bow tie. A cartoon that many would memorise and replicate. When i could not replicate it, (obviously I am two years old!) I refused to even pick up a pencil for a long time. My mother recounts she deliberately did not draw at all for months before I would touch a pencil again.
I am a left handed person for what that is worth, and a “creative elitism” feeling has been very prominent lately. Again, another interesting tangent, which does have some backing in the observations of others as to how left handedness is related to various exceptional talents, but also desire for power, and recklessness. Also apparently prone to accidents, which has proven to be true over the decades. I have nearly been killed at least a dozen times. That might just be a normal male “thing” though.
I feel both proud and embarrassed about this whole thing. So utterly “bourgeoisie “ to be even discussing some “slight” from an otherwise first world upbringing. Still, I am glad that at least something is happening which is of a different type to the past decade plus, which was marked with lots of thinking and posting, and plenty of drama.
I suppose what you said once holds true; once we start on this path we are going to have the drama we have to have!
Cheers
Andrew