Creativity and my ineptitude seem interwoven.
The instant reward of creativity, seems very fleeting. Like sugar vs ketones.
It’s a very brief rush, which crashes. I noticed this when I was in a drawing phase in 2017. I had to push myself, if I couldn’t finish a portrait in 30 mins it wasn’t going to get finished.
Music has less to show for it, though I made many more slight efforts, and spent more money on it. It’s slightly more forgiving as an art form. More sustainable.
I also think that there is some recognition of art being divorced from its ancient roots.
I can’t tell if I am romanticising about this, but I held this to be the case when I first found out about my childhood aversion to copying my mother. That there was something about the competition, rather than the pure instant creation, that repulsed me.
Indeed, the 20th century commercial exploitation of music and art in general would be another example of our ancestral birthright being sold from under our feet.
Music and art were far more communal and free range before the advent of recording devices.