Andrew: Thanks Vineeto.
There has been an interesting and very strong emotional charge that I have had my whole life around creativity. My mother reported it to me being very obvious even at two years old!
If I can’t immediately master something I give up! The side effect is I try extremely hard to get it right. Which, given a natural talent for music and art, and by extension anything that involves 3 dimensional mental understandings, I excel at these endeavours, without putting in “hard yards”.
I started feeling it again a lot lately while trying to get back into creating musical recordings. I bought equipment which I thought would do the job, but it is far more complex and unintuitive that that old “two-year-old” reaction was there!
Given your recent reminders about “fight or flight, eat or be eaten”, i.e. the blind natural basis of a feeling being, I am now wondering what this particular emotional rejection around putting effort “over time” into creativity.
Still pondering this. It’s a strong reaction. (link)
Hi Andrew,
It looks like you came across your first major obstacle to put everything on a preference basis.
You say there is a “very strong emotional charge” to “immediately master something”, otherwise “I give up” and that you had this “strong charge” since you were “two years old”.
Now since that time as a toddler you have most likely experienced other “very strong emotional” charges. Are you equally compelled to obey those “very strong emotional” charges or only this particular one. Why this one? Why do you allow this two-year-old toddler’s “emotional charge” to continue to dominate your life today?
You could let this emotional charge subside whenever it appears, until you are back to feeling good, and then calmly think about it – does it not look silly to you? Naturally, it’s a long-standing habit, but that does not mean it cannot be changed – if you have the intent to no longer let it control your life. Wouldn’t it make sense to address this dominating emotional charge so it no longer prevents you from succeeding in mastering something, anything you want to do?
Andrew: I have been listening to a favourite band a lot lately, while letting this understandings sink in; there is a simple answer to the question, once the parade of religion has passed. (Hah, made that line up just then, but I like it).
That is, this objection to putting in effort is mixed in with plenty of “after the fact” beliefs about it.
Basically, my own private religion around “getting it right the first time” but also, never being better than anyone else, but craving the love of everyone.
Ok, that’s still complex, but it feels ridiculous! So, it seems the correct track. (snipped video). (link)
Ha, you identified two beliefs from your “own private religion” which contribute to the “very strong emotional charge” to “immediately master something”, apart from that it also needs to be perfect –
- “getting it right the first time”
- “never being better than anyone else” .
It indeed “feels ridiculous” .
Well spotted. It’s time to proceed removing these beliefs of your “private religion” from your personal emotional database, don’t you think?
As for “craving the love of everyone” – have you recently remembered to be friends with yourself, and appreciating your nous [common sense] when you discovered, and consequently dismantled, some obstacle to feeling good? Liking yourself does a lot to diminish the need for everyone else to like (love) you.
Cheers Vineeto