I don’t like the feeling of being better than others. I want everyone to be special, and to enjoy that. I don’t like people being left behind. I don’t enjoy being infatuated, but to be honest, I do enjoy people being infatuated with me, for a moment at least, because then it’s in my power to be nice to them. To enjoy their blind desire towards me.
I am only thinking of a single person when I wrote that last part! Haha
Edit: no, I just experienced really strongly once. I do get it day to day. I like being nice to people who ‘desire’ me, because usually I see them feeling they need me somehow.
Musing aside, I realise that I am perpetually stuck on a single issue.
It’s related to the above musings, but more towards how I can’t motivate myself anymore. I don’t have any answers for this central issue of motivation.
In context, everything that motivated me was , as Vineeto touched on, a fight or flight, eat or be eaten, reproduce and survive type of life.
Even my precious music!
All of it.
In other news, there has been far more moments of just being a human, “pre-religion” in the last few weeks.
I really wanted to ask a question, but I forgot what it was I wanted to know as soon as I started typing.
Asking others for help has always been a huge problem for me. I feel I should be helping everyone else, but I just don’t have anything to give anymore.