Thanks Vineeto!
I was looking forward to reporting a successful day. I could feel the desire to feel good welling up and somewhat running the show all day. It was very pleasant and I enjoyed the momentum of it. It lasted solidly until early afternoon, when I couldn’t deal with a particular habit that a co-worker has. It’s the same habit my mother has, and I haven’t quite seen how to deal with it yet.
The habit is incessantly talking to me about her life, with intricate details about people I often do not know (especially in the case of the female coworker) at great length, when it is plainly obvious that I have no interest, and in the case at work, have work to do. It feels like a deliberate assault of common decency.
I don’t have a lot of tolerance for endless stories about things which have no relevance to me.
I am asking myself now, and have been for hours what specifically I can do to stop this “getting under my skin”. It was an otherwise enjoyable day. I felt good consistently until early to mid afternoon, and I noticed my mood getting more “grainy “ with irritation eroding the mood.
At the moment, I can’t shake the irritation, so I know something quite powerful can happen to open up greater capacity for sustained feeling good. I have confidence that an answer to this will come.
It is obvious enough it is rooted in my experience with my mother, but perhaps that is simply the most obvious connection, and it is a more general form of female aggression. It’s certainly rude. Talking non-stop “at” someone who has not asked, is showing no interest, has no reason to be interested, and has obviously things they are either already doing, or want to do.
Remembering back, in an attempt to get context for this, it has made a slight difference if the female is attractive, but the display of this habit quickly degrades that attraction.
Men will also sometimes do this. Not to the same degree, but occasionally I will sense the same sort of aggression. Indeed, I know that I have done it to others.
All sorts of ideas are swirling around, but as there is only one person I can change, finding out what I can actively do in these situations.
It’s not that someone is shouting at me, but the irritation is something similar.
Haha, I just realised that it’s not just ‘me’ in the world! I have been so focused in the last few days on ‘myself’ that the fact that such a thing happened is like that famous New York line from the movies when someone crosses the street in front of cars, “Can’t you see I’m walking here!”
“Can’t you see I am feeling good? !! Leave me alone!”
Quite obviously, stopping whatever I am doing to listen to an endless story cannot be the answer. In the case of this ‘woman’ even turning back to my computer, and continuing to work has no effect.
The other very obvious thing is that it’s entirely one sided. It’s not a conversation. It’s a monologue, which if a single question is asked, will continue unabated.
It certainly not personal. I watch this behaviour happen to others in the office. And with my own mother. It is irrelevant if the other has interest, or is going somewhere, or in the middle of some task, it just starts and won’t stop.
I am aware this is rant-like. Justifying my annoyance. However, it’s my annoyance I want to rid myself of. Yet, the behaviour is rude, obnoxious, and in the case of the workplace, not what I am employed to do.
However, it’s very much a bind. Telling someone that I don’t have time for the story will be expressing the annoyance. Listening to the story only amplifies the annoyance.
It like the other person is daring my to say the obvious “you are not interesting to me, please stop talking to me”
If I was paid to listen, I would of course listen. I am paid to do my work.
With my mother, I think it is that it is all one way. She will dismiss anything of interest to me.
Hmm. It’s good to write all this out. Because for the first time, I can see this is common behaviour. In general, people are doing this to each other. Talking “at” them, polluting the air with endless trivial details of their pointless rehashing of exactly the same life everyone else is already living.
It seems to me that these people would spend all day talking about yesterday.
I mean, I am trying to save the world here lady! 