I always seemed to be rebelling against myself.
Trying to be someone different and new.
I was thinking about the “edge” where life is happening. I mean, natural things, physical living things. There is a “sweet spot” there. Before morality happens, and also before anyone gets hurt (bad things happening).
The habitual language of 'intelectulism" covers over this"edge". Hedging all bets.
That’s what I meant by rebellion. Of course, it’s short lived. The rush of doing something “dumb” but for a moment feeling that edge.