Adam B's Journal

[adam_b]

Hello all,

This is Adam Bieber. Wish I could change my username to Adam but I picked mine on a whim. If there is anyway to do that, please let me know.

I thought I would begin a journal because while I am not too fond of replying on threads, Actualism is still of great interest to me. I put it on the back burner (and continue to do so) for the last few years because I have material desires that are extremely strong and I want to fulfill. I realized that I must fulfill these desires, some very practical but I think a journal is a great way for me to discuss my thoughts and experiences regarding life, the universe, and actualism.

I have had a handful of PCE’s and see those experiences as what is possible.

So, I will start my first journal entry musing on happiness. For a long while, I placed a high bar on happiness maybe confusing it with delight. Now, I see that happiness is more in line with simple consistent contentment and pleasure and the absence of sorrow and malice. I see it as more attainable as such.

I also find this “Unless one is willing to contemplate being happy and being harmless, virtually free of malice and sorrow, 99% of the time” line from Richard to be a thrilling challenge.

Pure intent has always been my strongest “skill” or better yet stable companion. I can use it to be happy and harmless more often. As a reread lines on the actualism website, I have new realizations that seem to come from more life experience.

-Adam

[edzd]

Thanks for the intro Adam!

[claudiu]

@adam_b

This is Adam Bieber. Wish I could change my username to Adam but I picked mine on a whim. If there is anyway to do that, please let me know.

It is done! Both adam and adamb were taken though. Lmk if you want to change it.

And: welcome back!

[claudiu]

@adam_b

Now, I see that happiness is more in line with simple consistent contentment and pleasure and the absence of sorrow and malice. I see it as more attainable as such.

A helpful distinction for me was to distinguish between happiness as a passion and happiness as a mood. It’s impossible to be passionately happy for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. But to maintain it as a matter of mood and even eventually character, is eminently attainable.

[claudiu]

@adam_b

Pure intent has always been my strongest “skill” or better yet stable companion. I can use it to be happy and harmless more often. As a reread lines on the actualism website, I have new realizations that seem to come from more life experience.

What if you allow it to start to take over the reins a bit?

[JonnyPitt]

Good to hear from you! I’ve been wondering about you for a while now.

[adam_b]

Thought I’d provide an update to this journal. I am going to write in short paragraphs to establish points of interest.

Firstly, my interest in Actualism is still very much present. Other pursuits became dominant but my interest in Actualism and my ability to access pure intent has always been there.

The desire to achieve wealth and the desire to mate (for lack of a better term) was so strong and all pervasive that I could not put them aside to give undivided attention to the actualism method.

One thing that has changed is that I am now going to law school. This means instead of battling the ups and downs of business ventures I started, I will have a more predictable path to support myself. This will allow one major issue, the uncertainty of how I will make a living, and it’s stresses to be greatly decreased.

In terms of dating, I have developed some confidence and clarity in this area. And while I am still exploring dating, relationships, and my sexuality, it is not the same cause of distress and confusion for me. That combination of financial insecurity and a confusion over dating with the extreme desire of it all made it difficult for me to pursue the actualism method without sorting the other stuff out.

As these two things become a little clearer, a pursuit of feeling good and enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive is easier to pay attention too without distraction. The certainty of knowing a more predictable path in terms of financial health and a better understanding of dating has removed some of the stresses and severity of desires that seemed so overwhelming.

Not sure if these issues sound silly, but they seemed to direct so much of my attention.

So I look too feeling good and enjoying it and learning more about the human condition in me to make progress toward habitually being happy and harmless. There are some issues that I feel maybe only time and experience (such as learning the redundance of love) can solve but that doesn’t mean I can’t make progress toward being happy and harmless.

[Vineeto]

Hi @Adam,

Great to see you writing on the forum again and also that you report significant progress.

Adam: Firstly, my interest in Actualism is still very much present. Other pursuits became dominant but my interest in Actualism and my ability to access pure intent has always been there.
The desire to achieve wealth and the desire to mate (for lack of a better term) was so strong and all pervasive that I could not put them aside to give undivided attention to the actualism method.

It’s interesting that you should think that when there is a “desire to mate” (just to take one point for simplicity) that you cannot apply the actualism method on this topic. Yet this is exactly what Richard meant when he said –

Richard: “Actual freedom works in the market place … there is no meditating in silence or living in a monastery shut away from the world. There are no celibacy or obedience requirements […]” (Irene, 6 Oct 1998).

In fact, I had several reports from a practicing actualist of having outstanding success how this very topic, the “desire to mate”, provided them with valuable insights to their affective ups and downs in their endeavour via paying diligent attention and affective awareness, and how sincere contemplation and ongoing affective attention revealed many secrets how their mind ticks on this issue and which triggers caused a diminishment to feeling good, which they then rectified with sensible action. They reported that a good dose of naiveté is invaluable help – i.e. to allow oneself to be naïve (even allow oneself to feel gauche or foolish), like a child again but with adult sensibilities. With naiveté they could then discover the see-saw of expectations and disappointments and replace them with more naïve and sensible choices.

For instance, you have the option, when experiencing strong desire, to experiment with neither suppressing nor expressing it but allowing the third alternative to hove into view (such as described here). In this way the strong affective/ instinctual energy can transition into naïve and felicitous affective energy.

Adam: In terms of dating, I have developed some confidence and clarity in this area. […]
Not sure if these issues sound silly, but they seemed to direct so much of my attention.
So I look too feeling good and enjoying it and learning more about the human condition in me to make progress toward habitually being happy and harmless. There are some issues that I feel maybe only time and experience (such as learning the redundance of love) can solve but that doesn’t mean I can’t make progress toward being happy and harmless. (link)

Of course, these issues are not “silly” at all as they are part and parcel of the core of the instinctual passions, and as such most people experience similar issues as yourself. It is excellent that you “developed some confidence and clarity in this area” and that you are now more confident to be able to pay attention to enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive and will be able to catch what triggers any diminishment of an ongoing enjoyment and appreciation.

It is such a thrilling adventure to explore how ‘I’ tick and move towards more and more feeling good → feeling great in the sincere pursuit to further the habit of “being happy and harmless”.

Feeling being ‘Vineeto’ used to call it the best game in town.

Cheers Vineeto

[adam_b]

I had a wonderful and enlightening experience the other day. I am studying for my LSAT to go to law school and the studying is quite intensive. So I was walking to take a break and clear my head. There is a park with a beautiful river and the day was beautiful. I wanted to quiet my mind awhile. During this time, what seemed like the “I” disappeared and I was enmeshed in the environment. Enmeshed in my beautiful surroundings. This was not a PCE and probably not even an EE, just a break from the “I” for a while.

Firstly, the scene around me was beautiful and peaceful. Everything was nice as it is. There was not the reality of "I’ constantly talking to myself but simply me in the environment. With just this environment, there was nothing wrong and nothing to compare anything too. Secondly, the absence of “I” and it pumping emotions into me, allowed pure intent to caress me with pleasure. I enjoyed the site of the scene and the feelings of pleasure in my body.

It was very peaceful and the the complaints of humanity seemed an exaggeration as the scene itself was what there was and there was nothing wrong with the scene, only something to enjoy. Also, without “I” yapping, my intelligence was free to optimally function. I experienced a heightened sense of intelligence just from nothing interfering with it. It was like I was incredibly intelligent effortlessly. It was an intelligence free of a complaining “I” and so it operated so well.

Next, I realized that there is this narrative that the “I” is constantly attentive too. The narrative changes based the whatever is happening or whatever I am focused on, but the “I” yammers away, often fear-based, and it steals all the attention. It also pumps me with a synoynmous emotion, be it unease or fear or whatever else. It’s like “put on” and when removed, then one’s attention is on a peaceful atmosphere. This narrative “I” is optional. Sure, there are things I deem important and focus on but it doesn’t change that there is way to live dominated by “I” and a way to live not dominated by “I”, at least in this very moment.

Anyway, I look forward to more experiences where the atmosphere itself indicates peace.