Thought I’d provide an update to this journal. I am going to write in short paragraphs to establish points of interest.
Firstly, my interest in Actualism is still very much present. Other pursuits became dominant but my interest in Actualism and my ability to access pure intent has always been there.
The desire to achieve wealth and the desire to mate (for lack of a better term) was so strong and all pervasive that I could not put them aside to give undivided attention to the actualism method.
One thing that has changed is that I am now going to law school. This means instead of battling the ups and downs of business ventures I started, I will have a more predictable path to support myself. This will allow one major issue, the uncertainty of how I will make a living, and it’s stresses to be greatly decreased.
In terms of dating, I have developed some confidence and clarity in this area. And while I am still exploring dating, relationships, and my sexuality, it is not the same cause of distress and confusion for me. That combination of financial insecurity and a confusion over dating with the extreme desire of it all made it difficult for me to pursue the actualism method without sorting the other stuff out.
As these two things become a little clearer, a pursuit of feeling good and enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive is easier to pay attention too without distraction. The certainty of knowing a more predictable path in terms of financial health and a better understanding of dating has removed some of the stresses and severity of desires that seemed so overwhelming.
Not sure if these issues sound silly, but they seemed to direct so much of my attention.
So I look too feeling good and enjoying it and learning more about the human condition in me to make progress toward habitually being happy and harmless. There are some issues that I feel maybe only time and experience (such as learning the redundance of love) can solve but that doesn’t mean I can’t make progress toward being happy and harmless.