While putting my daughter to sleep

last night, I was lying in my daughter’s bed (she still likes to fall asleep with mama or papa) and as she was falling asleep she put her hand in mine, as children do - and at that moment it occured to me how, as much as I want to, I can’t really (actually) hold her hand - I’m not really there, there is a barrier between myself and those two hands touching. the following thought was - that if I want to allow this 40yr old father to hold his 8yr daughter’s hand, the only thing I can do is go away, disappear… I continued riding this thought train and got to a point where I was almost excited to go into oblivion.

well, that didn’t happen but this whole experience stayed with me until today so I felt compelled to write…

it reminded me of a quote from Richard:

(…) It is indeed a vastly different ‘form of ego’ who sees that voluntary ‘self’-sacrifice (‘self’ as in ‘I’/‘me’ who is the root cause of all the wars and murders and rapes and tortures and domestic violence and child abuse and suicides and the such-like) is noble. It is indeed a vastly different ‘form of ego’ who understands that voluntary ‘self’-sacrifice is an altruistic offering, a philanthropic contribution, a generous gift, a charitable donation, a magnanimous present for the human race. It is indeed a vastly different ‘form of ego’ who is willing to cheerfully devote and give over his/her very ‘being’ as a humane gratuity, an open-handed endowment, a munificent bequest or a kind-hearted benefaction for the benefit of each and every body. (…)