Thanks Vineeto,
I appreciate the time you take to read and respond so insightfully to this forum! It was a contemplation today that it is a privilege to have you responding to us here.
I often remind myself that actual freedom is what it says on the box! There is actual freedom! There is no responsibility or obligation to be a part of this forum, or anything like it.
I patted myself on the back for being sincere enough that you could read and comment on it. I was pushing into the ‘cringe’ to find out more about it. Turns out loneliness will indeed create all sorts of ‘cringe’, and it’s pleasant to simply have it out in the open. It helps me gather back my resolve to change.
On that note, I came across a fear when really wondering why I hadn’t just “pushed the button “. Considering that every actually free person who has written anything about their freedom has expressed “surprise “ that others haven’t also “stepped out of the real world “, I was also looking into it.
All the excuses. Well over a decade of reasons/excuses, it seemed that if I didn’t find a way to “cut to the chase” this will be the way it goes for me.
However, back to the fear. I felt that there was an aspect of fear around success in this ultimate quest. The fear was around what happened to Jesus.
Though I am no longer young man, I felt the hesitation to do anything which would put me in the crosshairs of the types which nailed him up (and the many like him, not only in his time, but in all times).
I saw this while thinking about the efforts made to stay anonymous by actually free people. I knew it was sensible, but the perspective involving the type of hatred those in power have for radical people, had not fully occurred to me. Further to that, was how I am afraid of them, of that hatred and blind murderous intent so often played out in the world towards new, and radical people looking to improve the world.