Something clicked here that I keep coming back to, that the doors are already wide open, with that magical wonderland right at the fingertips. It’s as if the belief that ‘you can’t change human nature’ has it that the cage is locked, and the key has been thrown out.
But this is not so, it is just that in order to step out of the cage ‘I’ have to leave ‘myself’ behind, and ‘I’ remain in the cage (the doorless cage mind you) because of the safety that it seemingly offers.
This ‘safety that it seemingly offers’ is expressed as those last remaining objections which ‘I’ have, those last few dramas that constitute ‘me’. What I am wondering is whether it is about first going after those last few dramas until they too dissolve or do ‘I’ simply proceed to step out of the cage now, with the dissolution of those last dramas coinciding with the dissolution of ‘me’, it seems it is about the latter.
I am reminded of what you wrote here - V All-Pervading Sweetness
On Monday evening the fourth of January 2010, I knew I was running out of time. We expected a guest for the next day and I didn’t want to wait until we three were on our own again. I consequently sat on the toilet taking a few minutes longer than usual to gather any scattered bits of intent that were missing to make up the 100% I needed – I pulled out all the stops. When I returned to the living room a dynamic and quite frivolous interaction developed and in that uninhibited hilarious atmosphere I blew the last remaining cobwebs of seriousness, cautiousness and social correctness out of the corners of my psyche. It was all very casual, jovial and funny, unrehearsed and spontaneous and I became confident that this is how I wanted to live my life forever.
I heard myself saying to Richard that ‘We’ve got all the time in the world’ and when I contemplated on the sentence that had just slipped out, time suddenly stood still.
I stopped in mid-sentence and the ensuing silence caught the attention of my two companions.
It was all over, in an instant
Those ‘last remaining cobwebs’ is exactly how I would describe those remaining dramas, it seems ‘I’ am only holding onto what’s left of them in order to block the momentum that would otherwise follow. This is the tricky part, proceeding without knowing with certainty what the destination is like, it’s stepping into the unknowable. It seems ‘I’ am instead searching for 100% certainty before ‘I’ dare to step out of the cage, which is of course an impossibility as this can only be had upon actual freedom.