So that I am being honest, as I have always wanted to be, there is around 1 dried gram of “Mazatapec” in my system. It is a far less potent strain, and I am pleased with the synchronicity of having access to progressively less potent strains.
To the point though, perhaps facing finally the fear of “conformity” is the key for me.
I want to keep rebelling though. The temptation is so strong. Manipulating those who are enamoured with fearful subservient attitudes is so very very appealing.
I understand, as I always did, the mentality of dictators. It’s just so easy to get the fearful to do one’s will.
Why would anyone give up such power, except for the possibility of an actual paradise?
Which, is of course the ultimate actualist male dream; that a fearful woman would poke her pretty (or otherwise) head out from under that blanket and consider the possibility that something far more is at stake than our own “precious”.
There is nothing more malicious on this planet than to bring more of us into existence without first considering whether we even enjoy being here to start with.
The question, as always, is whether we want to live in a dream world, or we want the actual one?
Right now, as I live in a world where neighbours are brawling daily, where I have to consider what I am carrying would make a good weapon when passing someone doing weird things in the shopping centre carpark, what a actually am I choosing here?
I completely agree with the choice of Richard and Vineeto to live as far away from this madness as humanly possible.
It’s a completely sensible choice.
I have a meth addicted bi-polar woman in my peripheral social circle. Adamant that it’s everyone else’s fault. Like Shashank’s meme, there is nothing wrong with me; it must be the universe!
As always my excuse is I am the “tip of the iceberg” of the seething reality of humanity.
I should include that, and what Craig said to me many many years ago, in my “signature”, if we had such a thing;
Craig; “I don’t know why anyone who be interested in actualism without having a PCE”.
Indeed. What would be appealing about a paradise for all without it resting on one’s attractiveness to the opposite sex?
It’s the only game in town, Mr Craig. The only game.
I just happen to be a almost rational participant, poking my head, more than what is welcome, into the space of those who seemingly can walk between such a paradise, and this reality of utter suffering, and still, deem it something of a “take it or leave it” choice.
I guess I am the curious onlooker of such a thing even being possible.
And from the gallery, perhaps, out of sheer wonder, I will become free.
I have always had a problem with taxes and other formalities too. Like I am too special to be dealing with this trivial shit. How dare they waste my precious time.
But there is a fear of responsibility and accountability. I want to be like a child without the adult responsibilities, hence wishing robots did everything for me. Too often I was perpetually allowing those resentments to dampen my felicity, I have made a lot of improvement in this area though.
Those who have friends or family who reported such an experience and we don’t doubt the sincerity of those individuals. Otherwise, I would have never have discovered or been interested in actualism.
If a person I didn’t “trust” or have as close a relationship had introduced me to AF instead, I would have probably been even more hostile and possibly never have even have attempted to sincerely apply what is discussed in the method. Though after years of attacking Richard from every conceivable angle, the validity of the simplicity of considering whether you are being happy and harmless can still come through as a sensible life approach.