It took me some time before making the “not move psychologically” way of affective awareness (post #1 and post #4) a habit whenever I find myself lost in the social identity maze (in the head). But once I did, it made the whole business so easy and fun! Now I can stay in enjoyment & appreciation for longer periods. And if I go astray by habit (which is only human), I can find my way back in.
When I ‘live in the head’, I have no option but to apply actualism in a ‘forced’ or moralistic way. Plus, I end up fooling myself by creating endlessly-varied plans & schemes in order to satisfy my ego / soul. This was what has been going on for most of the last two decades, and why I have not succeeded in actualism.
I’ve also discovered something new here. As I stay with the deeper passions, whilst not ‘moving’ at the cognitive and affective level, this body’s native intelligence comes more to fore, now being able to take a clear, objective and fascinated look at those cognitive/affective contents in real-time. I am able to experientially confirm Richard’s writing in the ASA article: “In attentiveness, there is an unbiased observing of the constant showing-up of the ‘reality’ within and is examining the feelings arising one after the other … and such attentiveness is the ending of its grip.”.
From those deeper percolating passions (and the fascinated awareness thereof), I can easily segue into enjoying & appreciating ‘what is happening’. So much so that I don’t need the world of people, things and events to change for me. It is fairly effortless to let go of whatever aspect of my social identity (those cognitive/affective contents) in this process, for no reason other than the fact that (whilst staying with the passions) I genuinely want to live what the peak experience from post #5 revealed, which I can now so easily revivify to the point of now living closer to it, which then further reinforces that enjoyment & appreciation. I call this ‘imitating the PCE’ to the extent humanly possible; I like keeping things simple. In the PCE video with Pamela around 33:45 mark, Richard talks about enjoyment of simply being here, to delineate unconditional enjoyment as distinct from conditional enjoyment. I’d say, there’s one layer above that ‘simply being here’ - which is more[1] of a sensuous enjoyment: enjoyment of what is already happening, and dynamically changing in this eternal moment … and it is this enjoyment (which is imitative of the PCE) that enables the giving of permission to allay the social identities (sexual identity,[2] in particular) since they are now being made redundant.
Instinctual passions are sometimes involved, although without the headiness of the head or the heart. For e.g., I can enjoy the beauty of a female form in that moment (innocent, however, of the cunning social identity with its attendant possessiveness); yet that enjoyment is happening in the larger backdrop of enjoying & appreciating this moment of being alive, which is dynamic and constantly changing. ↩︎
I tasted what it would be like to allay this sexual identity over a year ago, but it quickly arrogated control due to me still ‘living in the head’. Back then, I described it in a private correspondence as this (I’m highlighting the relevant part in bold): “I continued contemplating the ‘whether I really am in control’ part. That night, in bed, I watched the DVD video involving Pamela where they talked of PCE and the nature of the actual world. This time when watching it I was able to understand the subject much better than before. When Richard described the perfection of being here, I was able to understand it sufficiently enough to the point of dimly experiencing it (the perfection of being here). It was an interesting experience because it made me realize that I do not have to “achieve” anything on top of what is already happening. There being no boundaries (in time & space) means, perfection is already here – so I just need to enjoy & appreciate it. In relation to all of this, it made sense to allay the whole sexual identity in one fell swoop and stay where this moment is.” ↩︎