This really rang a bell for me, I’ve absolutely done the same thing
Interactions have largely been about either getting others to think highly of me, or avoiding doing any damage to my image in the interaction
This is much more easily done one-on-one, because I can read how they’re reacting to this or that statement and then take part in whatever discussion to communicate. But with even a group of two, it’s trouble because one person may think one thing and the other the opposite. Having that observer now means there are two people that can catch me being manipulative! And in a group… forget it! I’m usually pretty reserved in larger groups for exactly this reason.
How different all that is from simply wanting the best for everyone involved! Not trying to sell them on a particular view, not wanting to change them, just being there with everyone as an equal and wanting to enjoy & for them to enjoy.
My mum has been in hospital and was discharged yesterday. A lot of long days and late nights with visits to the hospital as well as balancing work and family responsibilities. My energy levels have been quite depleted, probably because I am lacking fitness at the moment.
The hospital environment was friendlier at least, the covid restricted visiting times have disappeared unlike the last time she was admitted.
My mum has Alzheimer’s but was admitted due to multiple infections, partially collapsed lung and dehydration. Being out of her routine really exacerbated her confusion.
It is just so strange to see her deterioration, even if just an acute exacerbation. Her dreams, conversations, old memories, all got mixed up in her mind and it is all so random. She genuinely had no capacity to determine fact from fiction, sort of weirdly fascinating in a morbid way as well. It upsets her to be corrected or challenged so you kind of end up just playing along with whatever she ends up saying.
I have this internal narrative, this personal story of sonofbob and I am seeing how our internal concept of self, which feels so concrete and untouchable can be smashed to pieces. It is another motivator that this normal mode of operation doesn’t have to be. These feeling backed memories and narratives that feed into my sense of self, they are truly a construct but so precious to me, like all the mementoes I have collected through my life. I am holding on to stories and memories even though they don’t all make me happy. Sorrow is a complex beast.
I was thinking about many things you have written about daydreams and escaping into fantasy. I noticed my latest one’s energizing me.
I remember visiting my grandmother when she was in her 90s, and my other grandmother as well, 35 odd years previously. Both in advanced stages of dementia.
It does make me wonder what is the cause of this condition. It’s like the mind/ brain becomes so used to the stories, that there is little current time input which makes it through.
The grandmother from 35 odd years ago, insisted I “throw the orange peels over the side of the ship”; in her mind we were on the boat coming from England 80 odd years before.
The other grandma knew of me, her daughter, her son, but I was I stranger to her. In two moments she connected that I was the “Andrew” she was telling me about. She lit up and cried. Only to forget a few seconds later.
Forgetfulness seems the primary symptom of the condition. Which worries me, as I am very forgetful.
It’s so lovely that we have the health care available. Everything else aside, the dignity of being cared for in our old age is a credit to what humans have achieved.
I think my phone must be scanning the content of the forum!
Cos I just had the below pop up on instagram :
It does seem a pretty horrendous condition dementia, I know what it’s like to be ‘me’ lost in the psychic maze, I remember what it was like a few years ago for me and it can be like hell - feeling separated, lost, confused etc it’s like being lost in this cinema that’s playing itself out inside, shuttling from one image to the other and none of them are genuine.
It makes me wonder about how dementia would play itself out in an actually free individual. I don’t really know anything about it but I guess there is a physical cause which would be there even when actually free.
But with no images to jump from/to and with no entity inside to suffer this loneliness and confusion would it be a somewhat benign situation.
Ah looks like once again my instagram links are not working on the forum… basically it’s a daughter with a mum who momentarily remembers her and they share a pretty bitter-sweet moment together.
Your mother and father did well to bring you into existence, and her current condition is nothing short of distressing. See whatever humour is available, enjoy whatever you can together.
It’s OK. It really is. Such a miracle to be alive at all really. Kiss her. Look after her the best you can. We can only hope that such attention is available to us in our weakness.
Wow, such a big experience I guess leaving ones home on a big boat voyage. I am not surprised that stuck in her mind. My mum used to work for a paediatrician and was convinced she was treated by that doctor, despite them being retired and my mum not being a kid lol.
My mums mum had Alzheimer’s as well and this happened to me too. The last day I saw her with my cousin she had no idea who we were but knew my mum and my uncle, her own children she still recongised. It was weird not having that recognition. I guess I am slightly afraid of that happening with my mum, with her forgetting me, my wife or my kids. My wife is an occupational therapist and has worked in the community and with dementia patients and she has seen people forget their children but remember her, its so random.
This need to be known and acknowledged by those closest to us.
Yes, true. A good safety net.
I am curious about actualist views on euthanasia actually. There was a patient so much worse than my mum and so clearly suffering, I would much rather be put down like a dog or cat than live like that.
Yes, being ok with not having to remember everything and it all being disconnected.
Thanks, it is another reminder of being powerless over so many things.
Yes, me and my brother were just saying the same thing yesterday.
Yeah. It’s all an amazing trip, full of so many years, so many corners, so many moments. This is no different.
Treat her as you would wish to be treated.
I remember being with my own father, who was deep under the effects of morphine, talking with him, in whatever silliness I was feeling; when if I could do it all again, I would have simply lay there with him. Listening to his death rattle.
He died the same day. My brother was with him when it happened.
Just be there. I certainly wish that I had said less and just been there.
RESPONDENT:Can I have your views on abortion (are you pro-life or pro-choice?), euthanasia and ‘the right to suicide’?
RICHARD: You certainly can … (a) I had a vasectomy so that no woman will ever be faced with having to make such a choice on my account … (b) were physical pain to become of such magnitude and prevalence as to be unbearable then the inevitable unconsciousness unto death will ensure no person ever be put in such a position about me … and (c) the altruistic ‘self’-immolation of the identity in residence all those years ago rendered any notion of ever killing myself simply risible.
