Self-immolation is kinda like this evil Terminator getting destroyed in molten metal…trying to grasp n hold on to one identity or the other
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Even though the tendency n urges towards malicious stuff is reduced but sorrowful tendencies remain…Richard said something like “One desperately tries to cling to a group rather than facing the dreaded loneliness”
Yesterday eve there was plenty of sleepy dullness with no sense of delight but later while walking around the lake I reflected upon purity, there was an immediate sense of delightfulness all around…things started to lustre up a bit…from that point, I could see that in the real world, how one would constantly n desperately seek the highs of the real world to escape from the background of an everpresent uneasy sorrowful low…in that delightful place, this game of highs n lows of reality looses it’s allure…or rather it’s trap like quality
Today there was some connection to the experience of that wondrous quality of the universe- not knowing why it is doing all this…I could notice that the very same why of the what the universe is doing could also be felt as WHY ALL THIS ?? lol…the difference in the experience of this same Why is that of a naive child’s wonder getting hijacked by a angst driven puberty-hit adolescent
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The instinctually backed affective feeling of love creeps up freaking unexpectedly🐒
I was generally feeling good today morning (because quite unexpectedly at this time of the year it rained n made everything cooler) but while at this vegetables n fruit market, a romantic background song was playing whose lyrics were something like “Do you still die in your memories n you still love me”…and before I knew it, I felt a ping of sorrow thinking about this recent girl
After a while I could once again get back to a slightly delightful place n had a chuckle in the middle of the road thinking “what a load of jokery is this seriousness of the desperate instinctual program !”
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Shashank that was really inspirational. Thanks for sharing…
Glory seems like one of that final boss enemies
“I” want to stand up in a podium and bask in the glory of “my” achievement of self-immolation…thereby keeping “me” around
Tricky one this is…
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So just while I thought I was kinda over this recent girl, she returned for a short while again and I started having the feels again…but now she’s ghosted again lol
But getting ghosted or rejected or anything of that sorts isn’t much of an issue for me these days, but the arising of these loving feelings again is retarded…not just blind (as Charlie said in Two n a Half Men 
)
So over the past few days I had been mulling over love and two things stood out in particular :
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During this initial intense phase of falling for someone, love does put a gloss over the lover’s behaviour and presents them in a good light…warts n all don’t matter…because final aim is to get laid
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Once one gets laid, what would happen to this feeling of love ? this intense phase dies down
Listening to some romantic song and these love tugs arise again…so what I was wondering is - Why on earth this feels continues despite having seen such nonsense n suffering time n again ? So I look back and compare with stuff that doesn’t make me suffer anymore and I can find 3 solid beliefs which I was able to abandon and not suffer :
One was veganism, which at one point in time would made me tear up looking at animal slaughter. videos, but one fine day I saw it as a complete fiction and the suffering just vanished like a poof…nothing short of magical
Second is the belief in fairness - this does arise ocassionally but nothing like before
Third is national identity - this would bring quite the fist-clenching strong emotions…imagining myself ready to die for the country…now this has nearly no impact anymore…
In all the above three beliefs, it was seen clearly and deeply that something doesn’t exist…like Santa Claus - veganism, fairness, nations - all these are fictions…compared to this I’m unable to see something wrt love clearly n deeply or that I see it but perhaps too scared to loose the possible goodies that come with feelings of love…Richard saw the “other” side of Irene - “pure evil” and this realisation it seems was put to actualisation and did for him
I’m guessing that a total elimination of love and the suffering that comes along with it happens only after self-immolation…in the meanwhile perhaps I can only weaken the circuitry a bit
Such interesting stuff !
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Well, unlike the three examples, which are fantastic successes obviously, love is far more seductive.
The common theme though is belonging. Love is very personal though. One can always find a new “ism” to be passionate about.
It’s also very multifaceted. The catch all term “love” is far more than longing for someone.
It has roots in beauty. Security. Very direct validation of one’s entire ‘instinctual’ purpose.
Expecting it to disappear like your other examples, to wit; see they are illusions, could work.
I have found it has worn itself out.
For example, I was just thinking today that I had begun to see more of the world because I am not looking for “beauty”. When “beauty” is the drive, one misses out on 90% of life.
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i’m thinking this is more instinctual and hence primary while the others are more social identity based
I don’t remember reading this bit, sounds interesting though. Do you have a link?
In terms of love I always come back to Richard’s observation which I find to be so on point. That intrinsic to Love is it’s promise of eternity (promise being an important word), that is why it is so seductive.
Love is like the ultimate sweet nectar for the ‘entity’ inside, for a split second it is as if separation has ended - there is a promise of something that is forever. Of course it does not last and then ‘I’ am prepared to do any number of malicious things in order to get another score of this nectar, for another chance to temporarily escape ‘my’ fundamental nature.
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This is pretty good stuff !
Yeah…I was under the same impression, but I am more n more thinking that the personal romantic kinda love is more a social product than more instinctual…but then am not really sure about it :
Richard : A man and a woman meet, fall in love, and all is rosy. Their love and compassion for each other can conquer all … it seems. Yet it never does because, just like Spiritual Love and Compassion comes from the instinctualised psychic entity, personal love and compassion is but a product of the socialised psychological entity.
My bad…it wasn’t the romantic kinda personal love, but the Divine version :
Richard : Eventually what happened was that at anchor one velvety night with an ebbing tide chuckling its way past the hull what I then called ‘The Absolute’ presented itself as being feminine – a Radiant Being initially seen to be Pure Love – which femininity I would nowadays consider to be a product of me being of masculine gender. Due to an intensity of purpose there was the capacity to penetrate into the nature of this ‘Radiant Being’ and I was able to see ‘Her’ other face:
It was Pure Evil – the Diabolical underpins the Divine – and upon such exposure ‘She’ (aka Love Agapé) disappeared forever … nevertheless it was not until 1992 that it all came to fruition.
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Yeah this is true…Apart from ending separation, as Andrew is saying it also has its roots in stuff like security which makes it quite a tough nut to crack
There is also the belief angle - the belief that the next love will work…its only that I didn’t find that perfect partner yet (and all this while being imperfect oneself 
)
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This is very interesting. If I ever read it, I don’t remember.
It rings a lot of bells reading it.
I remember very clearly the feeling of “everything being perfect” when deeply in love (the infatuated kind).
All sorts of visions of the future, the love of children, the perfection of being the wise and noble father which the goddess-like woman had chosen to adore and have children with.
Oh wow!
Yeah! That really rings a lot of bells.
The intrinsic value that a man feels when a woman chooses him to have a baby with! To risk her life even, (child bearing is not a walk in the park) to join so fundamentally and completely with him. To actually make a “forever” version of the union.
It’s a proxy eternity to reproduce. I will die, but my seed will not!
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This is interesting because it exposes a certain agenda, that in the face of facts you believe that the next time will be different. Perhaps this is because you are simply still wanting love, hence the situation is seen as wrong and not love itself ie love itself has not been exposed yet.
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Yeah it is fascinating, it clicked for me when I was watching an episode of ‘the last of us’ with @Sonyaxx, it was about this gay couple who end up both killing themselves amidst the zombie apocalypse.
Dying together had a different flavour than dying alone being torn apart by a zombie, they got to slip away into that eternal place, in love.
I don’t think @Sonyaxx found it as interesting when I talked about it during the whole scene though
Superb!..This rings a bell…even though I have seen that love brings about this n that suffering, I have not seen with 100% certainty that love can never work
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The criteria/ benchmark is simple- if love works, it should lead to zero suffering
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I think more or less this is what will expose love completely, as in to see what it is that underpins love. Then you can know with complete certainty that love can never lead to the eradication of sorrow and malice. Like when Richard saw ‘her second face’, he saw that the Diabolical energy was literally the underside of the Divine energy.
Personally I do not want love even if someone is handing it out in buckets haha, when I experience love I am immediately aware of its sorrowful and malicious under-layer, it’s all part of the very same bundle, love can never be ‘pure’.
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RICHARD: Well, love is usually considered sacrosanct … yet just as sorrow is essential for its antidotal compassion to flourish love is the antitoxin for malice: without malice, love has no raison d’être. I started to empirically encounter this, whilst sailing my yacht around tropical islands off the north-east coast of Australia with a choice companion, towards the end of 1987 and by about mid 1988 the unfolding of experience came to its inevitable realisation. Strangely enough it was the disclosure of the intrinsically manipulative nature of love – and ‘unconditional love’ at that – in 1987 which triggered the expansion of comprehension and experiential understanding of the composition of the affective faculty … with the concomitant growth of awareness.
It was with Love Agapé being such a ‘sacred cow’ that there had initially been considerable uneasiness about a direct investigation – my initial enquiry had begun in India in 1984, whilst single and celibate, upon becoming suss about the Buddhist ‘karuna’ (pity-compassion) and ‘metta’ (loving-kindness) – hence there was a three year-long gestation period before the fact could be addressed squarely. Eventually what happened was that at anchor one velvety night with an ebbing tide chuckling its way past the hull what I then called ‘The Absolute’ presented itself as being feminine – a Radiant Being initially seen to be Pure Love – which femininity I would nowadays consider to be a product of me being of masculine gender. Due to an intensity of purpose there was the capacity to penetrate into the nature of this ‘Radiant Being’ and I was able to see ‘Her’ other face:
It was Pure Evil – the Diabolical underpins the Divine – and upon such exposure ‘She’ (aka Love Agapé) disappeared forever … nevertheless it was not until 1992 that it all came to fruition.
There is a vast difference between ‘realisation’ and ‘actualisation’.
I can’t find the quote again right now, but Richard mentions elsewhere that the evil of love is in that it keeps the malice & sorrow alive… if everyone was happy & harmless magically tomorrow, of what use would the love & compassion be? So really it exists narcissistically, ‘I’ get to be the loving savior of others… which requires both them and me to be in a state of suffering.
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