Damn this is a cool topic, I want to try writing something but I fear it may end up being very long 
My personal experience with desire is one of the most persistent themes that I remember troubling me from when I first stumbled upon actualism at 18 all the way until about 28 when it finally resolved.
Desire and Love were the 2 main motivating factors for me abandoning Actualism at 19 as I wanted to go out into the world, explore Love and also possibly live the fantasy of being the ultimate player! 
I think partly it was such an issue because when I moved from Poland to the UK I did not have any sort of social relations until 18. Never had a girlfriend, no sexual experiences, no relations with girls at all for that matter. I was so socially isolated that I actually didn’t speak to anyone for years.
When I started growing up and finally discovered some semblance of confidence, I thought that this whole world of women could be my oyster now.
The next years were all about chasing the high of sex and of being desired, of living that ultimate player fantasy. Of course the actual experience of it all was nothing like the fantasy I found that whole world to be full of games, problems and ultimately unsatisfactory. But the fantasy had such a grip on me that I simply kept pursuing it, when I failed to live up to the fantasy it was simply because I was not good enough, and I had to try harder! I was not a ‘true player’
I eventually got into being a butler in the buff (like a glorified stripper) for hen parties. I thought surely if there is somewhere where exploring sexuality can be simple it must be these scenarios!
Around the same time I was in an open relationship pursuing my fantasy of the ultimate sexual high. ALL of my time and mental energy was spent on either trying to arrange or fantasising about sexual encounters. I wanted to try it all and I did end up having all sorts of experiences. It was truly like a rollercoaster ride, it was maybe fun for 5% of the time when the object of desire was met but then the other 95% were filled with essentially being unhappy and also at conflict with my partner at the time.
All these observations were leading me somewhere though, I was getting progressively more disillusioned with that whole world. I could see the effects it was having on my relationship and I could see the effects it was having on my happiness and harmlessness. Still though it was such a persistent one, I was not ready to give up on the fantasy just yet!
When I met Sonya I knew that I could not continue as I was, I saw how my desire to live some fantasy affected my previous relationship and led to all sorts of misery for both of us.
The first couple of weeks/months of dating Sonya I was still somewhat trapped in the fantasy, I still experienced this FOMO that said - “if you’re not out there having wild sex with the next hot girl you are a looser, there must be something wrong with you!”
At that time I simply allowed myself to continue pursuing the fantasy all the while being attentive to how this whole thing made me tick.
Shortly after that the thing faded.
What I see now is that to remove this thing from my life was like a HUGE project, it was a combination of so many things over so many years that eventually the thing clicked.
Looking back now I certainly experience a freedom from being constantly driven to pursue some sexual fantasy and all that comes with it. There is also the palpable peace and harmony between me and Sonya now vs my previous relationship that was full of strife.
Also because I am not constantly pre-occupied with this fantasy I have noticed that my attention has naturally shifted to the things which I enjoy doing. Like training martial arts, hanging out with my friends, eating snacks and watching TV with Sonya etc.
The great thing is, and this is something that I am still exploring. Is that I can actually experience that thing which desire was trying to get to but could never reach - Pure sexual and sensual pleasure, with Sonya.
There is no need to project this into some fantasy that inevitably fails to live up to its expectations. I can have complete sexual satisfaction with my parter. That Pure sexual pleasure is just underneath the energy of desire (this is how I experience it), desire is pointing in the right direction but it can never reach ‘it’.
I remember when I met with Alan and Dona and Alan started telling me about his various sexual experiences, the way he was describing it made me realise that as part of being an ‘Actualist’ I was actually suppressing my sexuality.
I knew the negative consequences that desire can have so I suppressed it. Listening to Alan though, about ‘sex dripping off the walls’, ‘never being able to have enough of your partner’ etc made me realise that something was missing, that a different approach was needed rather than just suppressing desire out of fear of what it might make me do.
I also remember reading something that Srinath wrote which summarised the problem perfectly for me, it is still something that I often think about - That the only ‘dirty’ thing about sex is ‘me’.
I realised that I had to strip away everything that prevents sex from being that thing which desire wants but can never reach - complete sexual and sensual satisfaction.
So the way I see it now in myself is that it is not enough to say, “I am an actualist so I must get rid of desire”, because in the process I might end up preventing myself from discovering pure sex. It seems that the focus needs to be rather on peeling back the layers which prevent me from experiencing pure sex and consequently send me off to the fantasy realm which is sorta like a consolation for the fact that I cannot experience sex at its optimum.
Writing this has made me pretty excited to look at those very layers within myself, because I see that pure sex is so much more than the sexual fantasies that ‘I’ concoct.
If I was always after some ‘sexual high’ well this is even better than that!
It does seem like the most straightforward way to be able to fully explore sex is to have a stable relationship though. The world of one night stands, NSA sex or open relationships seems to have too many moving parts in order for people to explore sex in a way that is both benign and completely fun.
The closest I can relate to experiencing what Alan was describing has been having sex with @Sonyaxx after having some recreational drugs at a party (I know I’m a bad bad actualist 
)
In that moment there was sex only for sexes sake, there was no hang ups, no worrying what she is thinking, no fear of being so physically intimate, no pressure placed upon me as to how I am performing. All this stuff faded away, there was also no Love. There was simply the complete physical satisfaction of what we were doing and it was fricking awesome 
So this is sort of my yardstick, that is what I am aiming for and I can see that I do not get there by suppressing desire but rather exploring it fully so that anything preventing pure sex can be peeled back.
).
(I could only look at her, laugh and say: “It’s true, I’m a monkey”).
