Sexual Market Value

Actualism
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I thought that this topic may help someone else, as this is one of those central to the social identity topics (if not THE social identity topic) which has been brought up before, but rarely with any clear discussion on what it means;

In short, SMV is a modern way of describing a facet of what the phrase “living in the world as it is, with people as they are” must, by de facto, refer to.

I won’t try and explain SMV, but if that isn’t familiar, then there are plenty of discussions on the web about it.

I will cut to the chase, and hopefully the applications to Naivete and enjoying life become apparent with this, by relating my insights into myself.

My looks SMV is around a 6. This makes me in the normal range. The normal range gets a pleasant smile from the potential mates, but will rarely turn a head.

(Edit; in my market place) To trade as a 6 in looks, one must sweeten the deal. This is even if one is dealing with an equivalent SMV. Sometimes, even if looks wise, one is better, the market will decide whether the deal needs sweeteners. Not me, not you; the market will decide.

If one is trading as an overall 4, (my status and financials are a 3), then sweeteners are required by the bucketful (in my market) .

To be happy, to naively enjoy, to otherwise have a partner and sexually experience the other, the transaction must be balanced. In the Marketplace.

(Note that by in the marketplace, i mean your marketplace, where you live, (or where i live) , not in some theoretical place, or wishful dreamland).

This can be a huge blow to the ego.

Take the blow, is my advice. Pay the market price.

Don’t be surprised if you are worth way less than you thought.

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I am thinking of a few married guys when i wrote this, and an ex-member of the actualism discussion.

My own narcissism had me believing myself to be “worth” a whole lot more.

The blow to my “self worth” has been very very fruitful.

One does not negotiate at the Service Station the price of petrol. .

(Gas Station for my US friends). One pays the price on the sign. Full stop.

The sexual market place is exactly the same, with perhaps some delays in the prices being published and the transactions being made; the market will adjust the transaction until it is balanced.

It is such a delicious blow to my ego. A fantastically jagged pill, which resulted in a delightful dose of freedom.

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Incase this seems all too heretical and non-actualism, consider this:

Social Identity is a fluid, highly adaptable non-actual thing. Since the advent of the smart phone and social media (<-- note that well; social), the psychic landscape has changed a lot since the AFT was first penned.

The market place for everything is near instant, and that makes a huge difference to what it means to be an identity…

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Haha now there’s a phrase I haven’t heard since about 2005 :grinning:

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Was this a thing in the zeitgeist in 2005 or was this a thing on the Actual Freedom Yahoo Group in 2005?

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Going backward in time, I can see that my morphing, reinvented identities have been a way of experimenting / trying-on different ‘market value boosters.’

Being young & insecure, I’d put an identity on ‘over myself’ to make myself more attractive to mates.

I’ve been ‘cool clothes,’ ‘sk8r boi,’ ‘outdoorsy,’ ‘poet,’ ‘photographer,’ ‘painter,’ ‘athlete,’ ‘philosopher,’ etc etc.

Some of them sort of worked!

Something I discovered was that for each identity there is a matching woman/girl out there: The artsy identities attracted artsy ladies, and so on.

Richard pointed something out to me about relationships: when you want to play tennis, you go find another tennis player. It’s silly to go try and rope someone into basketball into playing tennis with you (unless there are limited play-mates for whatever reason.)

So what I eventually found was that I was at cross-purposes with myself when I was ‘being’ a ‘poet,’ but then I was attracting ‘poet-y girls,’ and they weren’t quite on the track I’m on.

It’s interesting because it is still SMV, but there are different markets within the larger market. It’s not monolithic. Another good example of this is that there a bunch of people in my town that flex by buying a huge truck, but for many women that’s actually a turn-off.

Something crucial in all this that I think exists in the actual world as well as ‘normal’:

Why would someone want to be around you? There can be a lot of different answers to this.

Do YOU like being around you?

Richard says of Vineeto, that he’d have to have rocks in his head to not want to spend time with her as opposed to some other woman.

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And, like good feelings, these successful cases tend to be a bigger problem… :grimacing:

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lmao, true facts

I think in the larger arc it’s served me well, though… had I never had success, I might have been able to continue to wallow in ‘I guess I’m just destined to be alone forever,’ but by having had ‘real-world’ success in various avenues, and seeing the similar ways things play out, ‘I’ was able to ‘check those off’ and that’s a lot of what eventually landed me here.

Shortly before I had a ton of adult PCEs in the span of a month, was the darkest period of my life because I had ‘nowhere left to go’ as an identity.

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True: it can be a problem to have no success at all, and it can be a problem to have too much success… It is good that you have been able to live both experiences/states…

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Prediction: it’s going to be a long time before a celebrity becomes free of the human condition… they have way too much to ‘lose!’

This is a bit morbid but there have been a few suicides in my town by men who have had very high SMV… when things start to ‘slip,’ suicide becomes an attractive option.

I think suicide might be a more palatable option for many prideful identities than attempting to approach the insanity that is freedom from the human condition.

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so it matters what is the approach to the market as well. just like in financial markets, there are speculators and traders that do quick flips and then value investors who prefer long term fundamentals.

i’ve noted that i’m naturally drawn to value investment, but in my fantasies i’d like to be a trader. this is the tragicomical part: i’m not an “alpha” type that can pull the trading activity off, but i also lack the commitment to stick to one value investment both practically (i’m very self-centered: i want time of my own very quickly and i don’t compromise easily) and theoretically into the future (i’m too superficial and can’t picture myself being in a relationship with someone who loses her good looks).

so this summary allows me to see that playing and investing in the market is silly in the general sense (looking at it from the actualist framework, for instance) but also in the particular one (i don’t think i’m built to be a good player in the different market strategies/schemes).

i still suffer because of the loneliness of both refusing to be an investor and being a relatively bad investor, but at least consequent feelings such as sadness and bitterness are not deep anymore, as i’m at least very aware of the game and i don’t resent it.

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@felipetheparasite

Indeed.

Which is why having it really strike home to me was powerful.

If i imagine that i a “player” (day trader) material, then i won’t invest in the long term. However, if i otherwise recognise and “take the loss”, and stay in the market as an investor, the market won’t leave me alone either.

In short, all ones hopes and dreams, schemes and machinations are all “transparent” to the market.

The precious little circle i draw around a ‘relationship’ is not worth the imaginative effort.

So, take the hit.

A ‘relationship’ is a permeable membrane which the market does not recognise.

On either side, promises are worth the air uttered when they are made.

Enjoy, in other words, what is now, forget about the future or past; little stands against the market, even less against the delusional forces within it.

One is not alone in ones delusional beliefs of ‘what i am worth’ and the lengths taken to reinforce such narcissism know no limits.