Scout’s journal

[scout]

@Vineeto

Indeed, it does take some time but what it really takes is action. Observing is not enough and they won’t fall away by themselves. Actualism is not the neo-buddhistic ‘noting’ which is nothing but a dissociation practice

Good pointer, thank you. I definitely still retain some degree of buddhist passivity.

@Vineeto

Presently you merely proved to yourself that your addiction to suffering is indeed unchangeable and therefore justified. Do you recognize the trick you play with yourself? You simply changed suffering about your own pain (which is too difficult to look at because of an underlying fear) to suffering for other people’s sake, especially in situations in which you can do nothing and where your own sympathy, empathy and compassion can offer no practical assistance. It only makes you suffer on their behalf on top of suffering on your own behalf so that you can feel less ‘selfish’.

Also true!! And it’s hard to let go of too because of tribal allegiances, because compassion and self-sacrifice is a high moral virtue within my family (who I am very close with). I’ve actually started questioning the tenets of compassion and martyrdom with them in the past and they bristled rather strongly so I dropped it. I guess their compassion, like mine, is limited in scope and does not extend its mercy to those who don’t subscribe to a similar world view. At any rate, it definitely doesn’t help anyone to linger in pain just because other people are in pain, for whatever reason