Ok, two things I realised; writing these reports made my memory work again, and reading my report back made even more come back…and the problem is that I’m hiding what happened from myself so that I can say that I’m stuck. Just like me being super tired right after the experiences I had; I was never really tired, just avoiding what was happening.
Secondly, what I was saying to Geoffrey on the first day, that gave rise to sincerity, all started with mentioning how I’d messaged Vineeto privately two years ago and she’d challenged me back and like the coward I am I ran for the hills. Saying this untied a knot of fairly large proportions and then the rest of that house of cards came down. I know Vineeto doesn’t need an apology but still… I’m a massive coward. 