You did it all. All the wonderful things in your reports. There was no “geoffrey” there who did and thought and strategized and caused. That “geoffrey” in your reports was mostly an absence - that of the feeling being, that of the identity. Which is why it is most fitting how he appears only implicitly, as if from the outside, formed of his outlines, or ‘emerging in the negative’: an absence you circled around, you felt, and sometimes you found.
Once, someone was expressing gratitude to Richard for all the wonderful things they were experiencing when sitting across him.
He answered: “I’m just sitting here.”
If this is a bit dry, let me go with “I was just having the most wonderful time delighting in being the universe’s experience of itself as a human being; and in particular (thanks to the marvelous happening of this convivium), delighting in fellow human beings coming close to where I live, their face opening, out of the fog, new and soft, as if alight with the morning sun.”
And it was marvelous.