So I have had a big shift in seeing today which I am super happy about. The last few weeks have been pretty intense in that I seemed to be bouncing back between experiences of perfection and depths of sorrow every day.
I did my best to investigate all there is to this sorrow but still it ‘stuck’, I seemed stuck, going round in circles. It was a bit weird because I thought I had got rid of sorrow to a large extent and yet here it was. That feeling of sorrow is so sticky because it does not seem to have an easily determinable cause, it seems to be almost always there in the background, that faint feeling that life is somehow a tragedy.
Well I was super determined to put an and to it and finally today something big shifted, it came about from reading Vineeto’s selected correspondence on sorrow so thank you Vineeto for being a prioneer
Vineeto SC Sorrow this is the link and the relevant part is -
"The first layer of sorrow was closely linked to my social identity, to being a social being. I found that questioning common beliefs, i.e. how I should be and how things should be, and particularly questioning my spiritual beliefs, i.e. we are all here to suffer because it is God’s will, were essential to leaving the sticky sorrow-soup that is the glue holding humanity together.
Later I discovered the second layer of sorrow – compassion. Once my personal sorrow had disappeared out of my life and everything was running smoothly due to my rapidly diminishing social identity, I became more and more sensitive to, and aware of, the immensity of human suffering and sorrow. Compassion, the bittersweet feeling arising out of the nurture instinct, is very seductive in that is fulfils the need to belong without the tedious self-centred struggles of day-to-day sorrowful relationships."
This suddenly dawned on me in a way that really made the clouds part and felt like finally a breath of fresh air, I had the clarity that I was looking for.
I have largely eliminated my personal investment in sorrow however I was ignorant to the role that the instinct of nurture plays in perpetuating sorrow.
This is because in order to nurture others I have to be able to feel them out, this expresses itself as empathy, compassion and a general sense that I am connected to ‘them’. This connection is a connection to a suffering humanity and what is worse is that it keeps ‘me’ in that place that is forever separated from the actual. It is why I am bouncing back and forth between these amazing experiences of perfection and ‘that place’ somewhere in the psyche, forever separated.
This is really interesting because I always thought that nurture did not play a big part in my life and yet it is nurture which stops me from being happy and harmless, it keeps me chained to humanity and ensures that I never leave ‘them’, this is the genesis of the sorrow I am experiencing!
So there is lots more to find here it seems, but it is great to ‘be moving’ again
Also as another point I am really amazed at Vineeto and Peter and just how much material they investigated and made sense of, it is really incredible what they did and how it pays dividends for people like me down the line, another reminder for why we are all on here sharing these discoveries and proving that it is possible to finally do something about the human condition!