It might be just a cocktail of feelings, I guess I’m too used to repressing my feelings so when I open the hatch and let myself feel my feelings it’s a bit overwhelming, I feel like in a roller coaster ride and I want to jump off (repress, control, stop)
I’ll take my time
HAIETMOBA is good for helping one to sort out their feelings.
A gentle way to start might be to see how you feel when you’re doing well sometime, sincerely acknowledge that you’re feeling that way, that that is in fact happening in that moment, that it is nice, that that is ‘who you are’ in that moment
And that might give you confidence to acknowledge your feelings in other times - after all, you can only change how you feel to feel better if you first acknowledge that you’re not feeling well!
A novice actualist can grasp it, but in my experience and considering that of others it’s not a thing easy to grasp experientally (otherwise there would not be so many “uh oh!” moments about this topic, even from long-time actualists).
Again, in my experience and seeing that of others, it must be rediscovered (there is definitely a recurring “split”)
Speaking from my experience it did take me awhile before it was something I understood / was able to see
I read and re-read this FAQ a number of times, I found it very helpful to eventually understand
RESPONDENT: G’day Richard, How do I learn and discover the essence of who ‘I’ am? Thank you.
RICHARD: G’day No. 11, In a word: intuitively (aka feeling yourself out subjectively).
Some while back I noticed that in art I have a tendency to illustrate darker themes, that’s because ‘I’ frequently embody that darkness… ‘I’ am that darkness that I illustrate. Similarly other artists may be more likely to illustrate humorous themes because ‘they’ embody humor, or sexy themes because they’re embodying sexuality.
Any individual is capable of all feelings, but we all have tendencies, areas that we most frequently express. Whatever those feelings are, are you. And whatever emotion you’re being in whatever moment is you - in that moment!
This is an interesting observation, I do think that with splitting there’s a dissociative aspect of denying one side of oneself. So in the experiential moment it has been forgotten that that is what one is.
But you could get the broader intellectual understanding (hopefully with experience to back it up) as a one-time knowing before you’re fully unified.
Wow guys thanks for opening this discussion up ( these exchanges about ‘I am my feelings’ ) .
There are a lot of subtle and vital points here that I had not considered, these have
broadened the discussions that we had with geoffrey.
If anyone remembers or has notes on the very last meetings with geoffrey or Srinath,
and would share it, it would be appreciated!
Wow henryyy that link ( on Identity is awesome), you have shared wonderful and very helpful
links many times,
if you have other links from AFT that
you found particularly useful, please share them. 
Question:
Richard:
In that crystal-clear fully-lucid hypnopompic ( upon awakening from sleep or hypnotic ) state
‘I’ was able to penetrate deeply into ‘myself’ at the core of ‘my’ being (which is ‘being’ itself) – or, rather, the penetration took place via ‘my’ full acquiescence*–and there, in the centre of all the feelings swirling around, the essence of who ‘I’ am lay gorgeously exposed … not all that unlike a beautiful rosy pearl, nestled coyly amidst the delicate fleshy tissue of its host, in its shimmering nacreous shell.
Except that the essence of who ‘I’ am was a void (and not a ‘thing’ like a pearl is) so the analogy of the void at the centre of whirlpool of water – which is the whirling water in motion – is more apt (albeit not conveying the ethereal radiant beauty of the rosy pearl analogy). Or, in other words, the essence of who ‘I’ am is akin to the calm, still centre of a swirling cyclone/ hurricane/ typhoon.
The swirling air/ whirling water is, of course, all the feelings – all of the emotions/ passions – which ‘I’ am comprised of (as in ‘I’ am ‘my’ feelings and ‘my’ feelings are ‘me’).
///////////////////////////////////////////
Is via ‘my’ full acquiescence akin to ( neither repressing nor expressing ) ???
The acquiescing is the choice one makes to penetrate / allow penetration of oneself (“the centre of feeling swirling around”).
That penetration is most likely to occur deeply in an environment of neither expressing nor repressing… it is the formula to get further into yourself / your emotions than you have likely ever been
some thoughts, observations relating to:
Above: And losing your self concept [ unifying, un-splitting yourself] will lead to Naivete .
But why? Investigate that!
i’m wondering if it’s not the other way around -
I noticed, while reading something about naivete (see down), that when I looked for that quality in me and could recall from childhood some flavor of being more naive (i wouldn’t say naivete) I could suddenly perceive myself in a more unified (unsplitted) way, and it was also bundled with the quality of not taking myself too seriously (maybe that was part of what allowed me to unsplit).
now it wasn’t that i suddenly felt completely different - i was just more Ok with what i felt, it more of took the edge off, i remember thinking how it’s easier now to see the silliness in feeling the way I do, whatever it is…
so naive feelings → less splitting (instead of less splitting → naivete) or maybe it’s anyway two concurrent things that influence eachother rather than a cause → effect thing.
The nearest a ‘self’ can get to innocence whilst remaining a ‘self’:
• [Respondent]: ‘(…) there have been a few times over the years when a sensation (especially an unexpected smell or sound) has instantly brought back a flood of … not memories exactly; that is, not memories of a specific event or experience, but memories of a particular way of experiencing that was characteristic of my early childhood …’. [emphasis in original]. (Saturday 29/11/2003 4:12 PM AEDST).
• [Respondent]: ‘When I was 3, my family came to Australia from a grey and miserable place. In the year before I went to school, I was pretty much allowed to run wild and free in an overwhelmingly fascinating new world of unfamiliar sights, sounds, scents, creatures, people, things, events … and I was a brand new ‘being’ myself. It made its mark on me, in that every peak experience I’ve had suggests to me that I spent a lot of that year in a state of awareness that I can hardly conceive of anymore’. [emphasis added]. (Friday 20/05/2005 4:53 AM AEST).