Leila's translation translated back into English by GoogleTranslate

I can use the same advise Srinath :smile:

This is so useful Srinath. :appreciation:

Wow Srinath, if I didn’t know better, I would think that you are actually free, Oh wait, you are actually free :smile:

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i have to be honest with myself , connecting with people here makes me have good feelings , good feeling of belonging , love , admiration , respect as Miguel was saying .

maybe that’s why when Claudiu said you have to be careful with the translation , i became offended , because what he said was the opposite of good feeling which i was expecting …

now i am sad why i got offended ,i hope i did not made Claudiu feel bad …but see i m doing it again … …i want to be loved , i want to belong , i want to be respected .i want to thank people more and more so i get good feelings from them …and when i dont get these good feelings i feel loss and disappointed .

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i don’t feel good at all …i feel like i am braking apart …if i let go of these good feelings , there is not gonna be anything left of me …it is like all these searching , trying looking , all my life has been in vain …

i feel like a doll tied to a string that just seeks good feelings.

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i went for my afternoon walk …i felt like crying again …but this time not because of any neighbor , it is because of me , a part of me that i have to leave behind . these good feelings that i have cherished all my life is me . this is me . without them i am nobody … i cant …

Hey @leila, maybe just back off things for a bit. You might be jumping ahead and worrying about things you imagine to be stressful such as self immolation and things like that. I have seen this personally before, where someone was freaking themselves out over the somewhat intimidating subject matter. But the actualism method, especially initially, is just a simple thing about feeling good.

Can you notice how you are kind of creating a drama out of it? Getting yourself all worked up? See if you can notice those feelings, see the harm they are doing (you feel stressed/anxious) and allow yourself to get back to feeling good.

Alternatively, if that doesn’t work, just take a break from thinking about actualism for a bit. Once you feel good again, you can look at this and work out what was triggering you.

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i dont think i have any control over this drama that i am making Felix …it is a little bit like a shock or as if somebody poured a bocket of ice water over me … by saying to think about the feeling of gratitude, good feelings components to bad feelings…

it is like the castle that i built for myself from the beginning was made out of paper.

One thing I find very informative when things like this are happening is seeing that - although everything feels awful And unstable - life is continuing, there is consciousness , I also find that I am able to still function. For example if it happens while I’m eating I find that “the body” still knows what to do, pick up the fork, put in mouth, take a drink, even with all the drama unfolding in my heart and soul and mind. Ultimately everything is ok , and ‘I’ am not needed.

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I woke up today with a heavy crying in my throat. I read Claudio’s writing, and went for a walk holding on to Claudio’s thought : " Although everything is horrible and unstable - life goes on "…

the sky was cloudy and gray just like me … the wet smell of rain and mist that I have always loved , this time could not make me feel better … I reached the area that connects me to nature … I asked myself: " what happened to me, why am I like this!!" it was as if someone had made a strong criticism of me , even felt worse than that …

someone had told me to open a part of myself , the part that i have always carried around with . something that I had never done before .and actually I was opening it in my head … I was seeing whatever i was taking out , every bad feelings, almost everything was tied to a good feeling … All my annoyances, my sorrows, my angers , all and all and all ,and everything my dreams my fantasies my imagination my…

As if a barrier was broken and I started to cry heavily … these were sympathy for myself

i will start to write only in the journal from now on , i did from one hour a go …so i did add some more stuff there…

i don’t understand this part of this phrase "which is as it were at a tangent to actuality. "

Srinath : One has to eventually become intimately familiar with this emotional world that one lives in, which is as it were at a tangent to actuality.

tan·gent

/ˈtanjənt/
noun

noun: tangent; plural noun: tangents

a straight line or plane that touches a curve or curved surface at a point, but if extended does not cross it at that point.

a completely different line of thought or action.
“he quickly went off on a tangent about wrestling”

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I think Srinath may have been referring to definition #2, but he can always elaborate.

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this emotional world is as it were at a tangent to actuality , means : this emotional world is a completely different or irrelevant to actual world !
correct ?tangent = a completely different topic.

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So the emotional world is at a tangent (completely different, irrelevant) to the actual world, but getting to know it well, as well as getting to know the actual world, allows the decision to be made to become free.

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Richard puts this parentheses with dots (…) before a sentence,
does it mean that there is more before this sentence ?

and what about this one […] , what does this mean …i have seen actually free people use this a lot ?

My experiences of those (they are called ellipsis!) is that they can indicate that some has been cut out of a quote (…) or that the beginning has been cut off of a quote.

In addition people frequently use them to create something of a dramatic pause… like that.

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appreciate it henryyy .

is this one […] consider ellipsis too ?

As far as I’m aware that one is the same, yes

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These three dots are used a lot in French (“points de suspension”).
They can mean:

  • a pause in speech
  • some time elapsed
  • that there is more implied than what is said
  • at the end of a list, that the list goes on

In English there is a space before the … but not in French…
(I’ll keep doing it the French way, otherwise it hurts my esthetics hahaha)

I only ever use (…) to indicate that something has been cut from a quote.

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