Vineeto: However, your last sentence raised one question – who is the “monkey” and whose “back” is the “monkey” now “off”?
The reason I ask because it is easily possible that you simply shifted chess pieces around and the shape-shifting “monkey” will appear in another guise. On the other hand, you can allow the feelings associated with this “most central part of my persona” to come closer, and closer, so intimately close that you affectively feel that ‘I’ am my feelings [of this persona] and my feelings are ‘me’. Lasting change can only happen, and more importantly pure intent can only emerge, when ‘I’ am no longer dis-associating from ‘me’. (link)
Kuba: Hi Vineeto,
I think I get your point, it is like I created – from the actualist-infused descriptions – an imagined world in which ‘I’ would become free. But that world, being a projection, is always ‘over there’ in the psyche somewhere. So yes to proceed in that way it is akin to proceeding towards enlightenment, it is creating an imaginary world and seeking to find ‘my’ freedom there.
Hi Kuba,
You say that this “most central part of my persona” is a projection, “always ‘over there’ in the psyche somewhere”. Have you considered that to produce a projection – just like casting a slide onto a screen ‘over there’ – there is a projector containing the original image right here.
What happens if you allow the feelings associated with this “most central part of my persona” to come closer, and closer, so intimately close that you affectively feel that ‘I’ am my feelings [of this original image] and my feelings are ‘me’? Not as a cognitive analysis but as an existential affective experience?
Kuba: I find that with these activities coming to an end (the forever problem seeking and the imaginary actualist escapades) there is less and less to write about really.
Good. When it is no longer “over there” but experientially right here, ‘me’, then can you begin to give permission to your eventual demise until you whole-heartedly and joyously agree to go into oblivion.
Kuba: Things have been going well and I have also been experiencing pure intent. Yesterday in particular I kept coming back to it and then I was observing that whilst ‘I’ cannot undo ‘myself’, ‘I’ can keep the connection to pure intent open. It is the experience of pure intent on one hand and the full awareness of ‘me’ on the other which is where something substantial can happen. At times it seems like I am very very close but then it seems there is still something missing and so ‘I’ remain in place by the end.
Apart from contemplating the enormity of ‘your’ extinction (link), perhaps the consideration of the benefit of ‘your’ demise for this body, that body and everybody, as in an “acutely-empathic caring” (link), can supply the missing ingredient?
Richard: By watching/ reading the news bulletins with whatever media one has access to, and utilising one’s affective feelings to really, deeply, primally feel all the anguish and animosity inherent in all the wars and murders and rapes and tortures and domestic violence and child abuse and suicides that parades across billions of TV screens daily, one can become vitally interested in ridding oneself of that which the human animal shares in common ancestry with all sentient beings: the instinctual passions of fear and aggression and nurture and desire.
Because unless one deeply, primally cares about peace on earth one will never even begin to free the crippled intelligence from the debilitating passions bestowed by blind nature. Yet becoming vitally interested is but the preliminary stage, because until one becomes curious as to whether what is being written on an actual freedom can be applied to themselves, only then does the first step begin. For it is only when one becomes curious about the workings of oneself – what makes one tick – is that person participating in their search for freedom for the first time in their life. This is because people mostly look to rearranging their beliefs and truths as being sufficient effort … ‘I’ am willing to be free as long as ‘I’ can remain ‘me’.
In other words: their notion of freedom is a ‘clip-on’. (Richard, Gen. Correspondence, Page 9, 4 May 2000).
Mind you, I am not suggesting that your “notion of freedom is a ‘clip-on’”, but you yourself became aware of, and reported, over time, various schemes of “the self’s immortality project” (as the above correspondent perspicaciously called it (link)).
Kuba: Yesterday whilst I was experiencing pure intent there was the seeing that with ‘my’ extinction there will be no-one at all left inside the body, and that with ‘me’ gone the body is just as pristinely pure and magically perfect as the rest of actuality. (link)
Indeed.
It’s pertinent to keep in mind that the social identity is rather persistent even after becoming basically free (link) but that is a topic for another post.
What an amazing adventure!
Cheers Vineeto