Hi Claudiu,
Thank you for your detailed explanatory reply. It certainly makes life a lot easier (and “much more fun”) when you no longer feel guilty/ blame yourself for who you are – it allows you to be more and more genuine and naked (having nothing to hide and everything openly on display). It is utterly delightful to be that way.
Vineeto: Perhaps your statement that “then there’s nothing to do, except for, allow the actualism process to unfold” is a bit premature? Of course, only you can know if in the course of the day/ the week/ the month you have nothing at all to hide, and naïveté can unfold without impediment.
Claudiu: I would say there’s still impediments but it’s just remarkably easy to work through them now… I have a much more global-type-level view and it’s easy to see how silly it all is. Like, being hard on myself / pushing myself work-wise… why do this self-antagonizing motion? What am I trying to prove? To whom? Even if I accomplish work goals X Y and Z, today instead of tomorrow – I will still be inherently-guilty, this will not resolve the problem of the human condition. Accepting the latter allows me to see it all almost instantly.
I have definitely had the rational thought many times “Oh yes I see, I am rotten to the core”, but it’s different now, it’s like it sunk ‘all the way through’ and now I feel that it is the case, all the way through with all of me.
This is great to read that you “feel that it is the case, all the way through with all of me”. Now you experience the full meaning of being a friend to yourself – it’s amazing how deep the insight needs to be to truly bring this about –
Richard: … ‘he’ was particularly struck by the experiential fact of finally being likeable (albeit a likeable persona mind you), and, thusly, a liker of ‘his’ fellow human beings also as they too were (potentially) likeable as well. (A Clay-Pit Tale)
Vineeto: But then, your insight that “I am rotten to the core” could have struck so deeply that it removed any obstacle/ objection to going “blessedly into oblivion” – this would be truly wonderful.
What you are indicating with your use of the term “actualism process” – unless I misunderstand you – is that you are now in a “different-way-of being” (an ongoing EE) – (snipped Richard’s quote)
Claudiu: By my use of actualism process I was referring to different-way-of-being out-from-control – but I wasn’t saying I am living that, rather that it’s clear (as a realization) that that is the only way to actually solve the problem (of me being rotten-to-the-core). Nothing else will solve it.
I am not sure I would know I am out from control if it ehh hit me like a truck (to use a colloquialism) given my abysmal track record there haha. I am gonna surmise I’ll only be confident saying it in hindsight post-self-immolation… but we shall see. In any case, certainly objections and impediments remain, and ongoing experience is not automatically like the best of the EEs I have experienced.
Thank you for explaining that. And allowing the actualism process to unfold will be giving permission to be more and more naïve whenever you remember to do so, a gentle, sometimes quiet way of being – it does require your active intention because moving towards minimizing ‘me’ and its concomitant ‘self’-centricity, and towards letting the universe live you, is nevertheless contrary to one’s original natural survival instincts – until the very enjoyment and wide-eyed wonder together with the impelling influence of pure intent become so compelling that you wouldn’t want to be anything else.
Cheers Vineeto