Kub933's Journal

[claudiu]

Hi Vineeto,

@Vineeto

This daring “to be seen at the core of ‘my’ being”, this utter sincerity of who ‘I’ am, is the key to naiveté. So when you say you “see I am guilty no-matter-what, just for being-a-feeling-being” this insight can relieve the guilt for being a feeling ‘being’ – for ‘Vineeto’ it fuelled her sincere intent to ‘get it done sooner rather than later’, but ‘she’ still had to identify and fully embrace all the other feelings whenever they stood in the way of unrestricted enjoyment and appreciation of each moment of being alive.

Yes, it’s more that this experiential realization allows me to see and fully embrace all of the ‘unwanted’ parts of ‘me’, because there is no reason to try to defend ‘myself’ any more (as I have now fully accepted that I am rotten-to-the-core/guilty no matter what). It makes it all a lot easier!!

And much more fun.

@Vineeto

Perhaps your statement that “then there’s nothing to do, except for, allow the actualism process to unfold” is a bit premature? Of course, only you can know if in the course of the day/ the week/ the month you have nothing at all to hide, and naïveté can unfold without impediment.

I would say there’s still impediments but it’s just remarkably easy to work through them now… I have a much more global-type-level view and it’s easy to see how silly it all is. Like, being hard on myself / pushing myself work-wise.. why do this self-antagonizing motion? What am I trying to prove? To whom? Even if I accomplish work goals X Y and Z, today instead of tomorrow – I will still be inherently-guilty, this will not resolve the problem of the human condition. Accepting the latter allows me to see it all almost instantly.

I have definitely had the rational thought many times “Oh yes I see, I am rotten to the core”, but it’s different now, it’s like it sunk ‘all the way through’ and now I feel that it is the case, all the way through with all of me.

@Vineeto

Claudiu: It’s very straightforward how there’s a problem (I am rotten to the core), and then once seen, the obvious solution. What would normally make the ‘problem’ hard to see is there being no solution… but there is one! A very simple one too haha (link)

Ha, it is “very straightforward” in theory and many actualists are aware of this – but is it “very simple” in reality?

Haha, maybe impossible in reality but straightforward in actuality? Or maybe this is word games lol.

@Vineeto

But then, your insight that “I am rotten to the core” could have struck so deeply that it removed any obstacle/ objection to going “blessedly into oblivion” – this would be truly wonderful.

What you are indicating with your use of the term “actualism process” – unless I misunderstand you – is that you are now in a “different-way-of being” (an ongoing EE) –

By my use of actualism process I was referring to different-way-of-being out-from-control – but I wasn’t saying I am living that, rather that it’s clear (as a realization) that that is the only way to actually solve the problem (of me being rotten-to-the-core). Nothing else will solve it.

I am not sure I would know I am out from control if it ehh hit me like a truck (to use a colloquialism) given my abysmal track record there haha. I am gonna surmise I’ll only be confident saying it in hindsight post-self-immolation.. but we shall see. In any case, certainly objections and impediments remain, and ongoing experience is not automatically like the best of the EEs I have experienced.

Cheers,
Claudiu