@rick I just wrote a long ass reply with lots of specifics but I don’t think it really hit the mark so that’s deleted 
I am not quite sure how to articulate this but it seems to me that there is an ‘I’ skulking behind your contemplations and it is skewing the outcomes into something that seems to be verging away from actuality.
I think in order for contemplation to be fruitful (as in leading to a seeing of a fact) it has to be Pure. That means one must have a connection to that Purity in place before commencing any contemplations. Here is Peter’s description of Pure contemplation that I found :
"While contemplation has led to most of humankind’s amazing discoveries and inventions, it has also led to some of the most inane as in the case of purely intellectual contemplation – usually undertaken by men in Ivory towers, or mystics in monastic cells. Contemplating such questions as ‘Why are we here?’ and ‘What happens after death?’ has led not only the mystics but the scientists as well into passionate imagination resulting in elaborate fairy stories of meta-physical worlds and spiritual concepts. If what is factual and actual is ignored or denied in contemplative thought, then passionate imagination is the inevitable result.
"Pure contemplation, on the other hand, is the brain’s ability to make sense of the physical world as directly experienced by the senses, free of any imagination, affectation, concepts, traditions or beliefs. The universe is clearly seen as infinite, eternal and perfect with no ‘outside’ to it. Contemplation, when guided by pure intent and a relentless commitment to what is factual and actual, will inevitably free one from the grip of the instinctual passions of fear, aggression, nurture and desire that nestle in the bosom of every human being."
Do you take ‘me’ to be a fact? If so then ‘I’ will forever muddle any attempt at pure contemplation.