Hi Vineeto,
Thank you for your reply, if I am to be honest with myself though it seems that at the moment I still need to spend some more time with the simple application of the actualism method, the thing which I have been omitting for a long time.
When I look at this possibility of stepping out from control, and when I don’t go into any maps or self-deceptions then it is like I don’t have the kind of ‘juice’ required to proceed. As in there isn’t sufficient felicity and innocuity which would allow such a thing to happen.
I was re-reading “the instruction manual” (this moment of being alive) this morning and I was thinking how I never liked that article (that is an alarm bell already). In the past I was always more inclined to read the attentiveness and sensuousness and apperceptiveness article… But the reason I was inclined towards it was because I was able to pervert the advice in that article into a form of buddhistic noting. This buddhistic noting I haven’t been doing for a while now but then I haven’t taken the time to fully comprehend what the “instruction manual” is all about either.
So when reading the article this morning and giving it all a go in practice the first thing which stood out was :
Before applying the actualism method – the ongoing enjoyment and appreciation of this moment of being alive – it is essential for success to grasp the fact that this very moment which is happening now is your only moment of being alive
It is the very first words written also haha. But what I notice is that this awareness of the fact that “this very moment which is happening now is your only moment of being alive” is the backdrop against which seeing the silliness of feeling bad successfully takes place. That I am alive right now, and that this is precious, and that I am wasting this precious opportunity feeling X instead.
And I notice when I am not anchored by this awareness (of this moment being my only moment of being alive) that is when instead of seeing the silliness of feeling bad I turn to rumination instead.