Kub933's Journal

[Kub933]

Hi Vineeto,

@Vineeto

Kuba: To get more specific on my experiencing these days :
On the lower end there is this experiencing of the world being like a shimmering jewel, then on the upper end of that it transforms into something like the world becoming enchanted, with this deep magical quality.
But I would not say that pure intent is there in those experiences! That sweetness/ tenderness aspect is not experientially present.

They could have been Excellent Experiences (link), and because you say below that “I would go as far to say that those magical experiences are only for me” they were perhaps classified/ remembered as ‘your’ achievement, not as an experience of the magicality of the purity and perfection of the universe. As Richard said –

Richard: Then, as one gazes intently at the world about by glancing lightly with sensuously caressing eyes, out of the corner of one’s eye comes – sweetly – the magical fairy-tale-like paradise that this verdant earth actually is … and one is the experiencing of what is happening.
But try not to possess it and make it your own … or else ‘twill vanish as softly as it appeared. [Emphasis added]. (Richard, AF List, Vineeto, 1 Dec 1998)

I think there is something here you know. I had this thought pop up the other day, that I want my life to be lived like an art, and the best art does itself. I actually have quite solid experiential knowledge of this, because of the physical activities which I have been involved in all my life. And indeed it is like Richard described, that once the skills of the craft are acquired then ‘I’ can get out of the way and allow the thing to do itself.

For example in parkour I intimately knew that the ‘controller’ was a liability during the jumps as ‘he’ was always out of synch and a step behind, ‘he’ only interfered with the jumps doing themselves, and the body could do it with such incredible precision - the allowing of that was the biggest fun of it all! It’s just that I never quite had the naivete or the guts to extend this way of experiencing life beyond just those temporary moments.

And the same is with my BJJ practice now, when I am “rolling” the ‘thinker’ is not part of the equation, as ‘he’ is far too slow and out of synch. There is indeed thinking occurring, in fact the mind is firing on all cylinders to react and coordinate in split seconds.

So I do get it, that there is a way of experiencing life where ‘I’ voluntarily remove ‘myself’ from the equation, in order to allow that which is possible without ‘me’, which is a marvel to witness.

So not only do I know that such a way of experiencing life exists, I also thoroughly delight in the experience of it when it happens. In fact as a young boy I always wondered if it was possible to live life like those jumps did themselves, I wanted that!

And yet those magical experiences I mentioned about, indeed there is this sense that ‘I’ am a pivotal part of it all happening, that ‘I’ made it happen, what it means for ‘me’ etc. And there is a reluctance to give up that claim to it all.

But at the very core of it this makes no sense at all, because those experiences are only possible because of ‘my’ virtual absence. It is because ‘I’ have allowed life to happen of it’s own accord that the magicality of it all becomes apparent. How could ‘I’ possibly lay a claim to that which is possible due to ‘my’ absence?

So ‘I’ the controller am still reinserting ‘myself’ and laying claim to it all, rather than to marvel at what is possible when ‘I’ get out of the way.